Of Big Macs and Blueberry Vodka.

Gustave made it into the finals for Taylor's public speaking competition!


(Pause for audience applause)


(Politely decline French kiss from Paris Hilton)


(Politely request for security to remove Paris Hilton from building)


(Laugh with audience)


(Politely accept french kiss from Rhona Mitra and Missy Peregrym)


(Pause as catfight ensues)


Right, anyways, the topic given was Globalisation.

Ok. First thing first.

1. Rally fan base and audience support for laughter at right moments.
2. Ask IAN LEOW to come support because of what a supportively, supportive, friend supporter he is. (There. :P)
3. Call The Shanti and The Hafiz for ideas.

Miss-called Shanti, for economic purposes, and got the following from her:
"Read last sunday's starmag. Talk about how globalisation is removing boundaries between people and opening up opportunities."

-_-


* -_- is as close to an accurate representation of Gustave's facial expression at a given time as possible.*


Hmmm.

Um.

Well.

Um.

Nah...:P

Sorry Shanti! XD

It's just that every other Abu, Ah Kau, and Pak Lah will be gunning in that direction.

Internet... culture diversity and destruction... language...communication... economic reasons...

C'MON, Gustave! Think OUTSIDE THE BOX!


Wait a minute, thinking outside the box is overused and cliched.

Perhaps it's time think INSIDE the box.

Inside the box of a BIG MAC.

Thank you Hafiz.


------------------------> Hafiz Rocks <---------------------------


With Hafiz, anything can be related to iPods or something. The Hafiz is genius!


Oops.


---------------------> Shanti Rocks too... <----------------------


Heh. :)


Argh.


-------------------------> Syed rocks <---------------------------


Alright. After a combined 5 hours of research, straining eyebrow muscles, and editing, plus 10 more minutes of last minute editing, The Gustave presents:

*Cue drum roll*

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The Big McDomination

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, Gustave Oon of SAM reporting in.

We Malaysians have gotten into this whole trendy globalisation craze. Our weapon, utilizing the concept that the pen is mightier than the sword, is the "LAH". The Lah is addictive, foreigners can never seem to be rid of it. The Lah is contagious, infectious, and delicious. The Lah, is globalised. It is everywhere Lah. Why Lah? I don't know Lah. Ask Pak Lah.

(Pause for audience laughter.)

However, even our Lah is simply no match for the globalisation powerhouse.

Loaded with transitional fat and dripping with carcinogens, ladies and gentlemen,

The Big Mac.

Not Apple Mac. Big Mac.

The Big Mac is the sole survivor of all its other globalisation wannabe siblings. This includes the Mega Mac, made with 4 beef patties, the Monster Mac, with 8, the Mac Jr, and even the Maharaja Mac which is only available in India and is made of chicken. The Big Mac is so popular that even the Ten Commandments is no match for it. In fact, according to a survey conducted by Kelton Research on 1000 Americans, 25% of them could accurately and hastily list out all the 7 ingredients of a Big Mac in order. Whereas only 14% of them knew the Ten Commandments. McDomination is taking over the world...one burger at a time. McDonalds served its one billionth Big Mac in 1976. In 2005, McDonalds agreed to pay hip-hop artists to include the word "Big Mac" in their songs.

The Big Mac is the perfect representation of globalisation. The Economist created the Big Mac Index, also known as Burgernomics, in September 1986, using the price of a Big Mac as an accurate representation of the standard of living in any given country.

Apart from that, The Big Mac keeps the world going. It provides 484 kcal in Malaysia, 540 kcal in USA, and 600 in Mexico. This enables us to estimate the daily calorific needs and the obesity rate...sorry, the horizontal growth rate of humans around the globe. Furthermore, because of the Big Mac's "health benefits", job opportunities in the medical world have magically appeared. This demand for doctors and surgeons has encouraged the young generation to spend up to 7 years in a foreign land experiencing foreign culture, while, of course, learning how to cut open bodies and perform coronary bypasses.

If that is not globalisation, I don't know what is.

Oh wait, the Big Mac is.

Jose Bove, of France, was sentenced to 3 months of jail for ransacking a half-built McDonalds restaurant. He is an important leader of the Anti-Globalisation movement. Hah! How ungrateful. Whenever anything bad happens, let's blame McDonalds, let's blame the Big Mac! See, that's the problem with the world.

We have obese people...sorry...the politically correct term is...horizontally and gravitationally challenged individuals suing McDonalds, blaming the Big Mac for the living wonder that they have become.

The internet may have connected people across the globe and formed a culture of chat-speaking individuals who L.O.L. (Laugh out loud). The Lah may be finding its way into the end of sentences around the world. The Ten Commandments may have been around for 2008 years. However, when it comes down to it, ladies and gentlemen, the Big Mac is the ultimate, undisputed, symbol of globalisation.

So, the next time you sink your teeth into a Big Mac, remember, ladies and gentlemen, you are stepping into the era of globalisation.

Thank you.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

However, Gustave was most saddest. Why?
Because non of his beautiful friendies came to support him and provide audience reaction.

:(:(

The Gustave got the audience laughing anyway.

:):):)

And made it into finals.

:):):):)

*To new readers, the number of smileys indicate the emotional level of Gustave from Forensics Euphoric, to Upbeat, to Slightly Bummed, and to "WAHH! I WANNA GO HOME AND EAT SHIT AND DIE!"*

On his way back, Gustave bought dog food and enlisted the service of Hans to carry it home. Gustave also bought a RM0.99 pack of jelly, a RM0.99 can of jasmine Green tea, and a bottle of KANPAI Blueberry Vodka.


The Blueberry vodka turned out to be swimming pool blue. Which is good. :)

The assorted jelly turned out to be assorted in colour. Which is good. :)

The jasmine Green tea turned out to be brown. Which is #*$@*& !!@#!#$-#$@$@** !*@@$%! @#!*$@!!. >:( >:(


Gustave and Hans proceeded to crush the reproductive organs of a Baphomet in Ragnarok Battle Offline under the influence of alcohol.


The Blueberry Vodka was finished 38 hours later.



And to quote a little phrase spoken between Kimberly the Awesome Peach and Gustave:

"Here's to wishes that will never come true..."

"...and here's to dreams that will never die."


Cheers!