Rant 1024: Carry a Swiss Army Knife With You

This will be a ongoing collection of things that exist to annoy and irritate the very core of The Gustave.


The first and most global thing that gets The Gustave steaming mad is Chinese "green" tea being widely mistaken for GREEN tea.


GREEN refers to the colour green.

Chinese tea is brown yellowish in colour but it seems that a large majority of Earthlings, including a whole country of sepet-eyed ones, insist that it is green in colour. One can only conclude that this category of people are colour blind, or that the diverging theory applies to them.

If the opening of a gap is extremely small, when white light passes through it, the ray of light is actually separated into 7 different colours. The 7 rays then travel in different directions.

The opening/gap of a certain species of sepet-eyed individuals may cause the phenomenon mentioned above.

Some people may consider something that is brown yellowish in colour (such as urine or chinese tea) to be green.

I don't know about them, but usually only when something is green, I call it green.


JAPANESE GREEN TEA is the only "green" tea recognised by The Gustave.


Anyone who is offended by the statements made above may go boil tea from the harvested ass-hair of a Sasquatch.


A few words of wisdom from Your's Truly, if the box of tea does not say only "Green Tea" on it, without the word "Japanese", carefully open the box with a swiss army knife to examine a sample bag. Gustave has experienced many bad cases of "green" tea scams.


"See, this is exactly why I carry a swiss army knife around."
-The Gustave


The Brownlist:

1. B'oh "green" tea may have a VERY green picture of a cup of green tea on the outside, but it's brown in colour.
2. Almost every China brand "green" tea is actually filled with brownish brownness.




The LRT is a place saturated with people who deserved to be stabbed.


Gustave was on a ride home from Marvin's house with Hans.

Gustave got on board an LRT which promptly filled up with passengers.

Gustave is getting squeezed between a fat, sweaty, hairy man and a fat, sweaty, hairless man.

Eventually, fat, sweaty, hairy man reaches his stop.

Fat, sweaty, hairy man tries to exit LRT.

Fat, sweaty hairy man is blocked by fat, retarded, chinese college kids.

Fat, sweaty, hairy man uses Gustave as leverage to push against.

Gustave has sudden urge to stab fat, retarded, chinese college kids.

Gustave realises that there are no sharp objects within arm's reach.

Gustave stares psychotically at fat, retarded, chinese college kids and surrounding morons who have followed their lead.

Gustave roars: "LET PEOPLE EXIT!"

Gustave resists urge to finish with "...FUCKTARDS!"

Everyone gets shocked and stares at Gustave, including fat, sweaty, hairy man.

Fat, retarded, chinese college kids freeze with terror and cluelessness.

Fat, retarded, chinese college kids back off slowly, either after taking 3 seconds to register English words, or from mortal fear.

Fat, sweaty, hairy man looks at Gustave with thankful, twinkly eyes.

Fat, sweaty, hairy man is probably not gay.

Gustave spends remainder of ride in LRT with a one-foot radius of empty space surrounding him.

"See, this is exactly why I carry a swiss army knife around."
-The Gustave


The college kids happened to be fat, chinese, and certainly mentally impaired to a certain extent.

To those who insist that The Gustave be "politically correct", The Gustave hereby cordially invites them to put on green tea-flavoured lip gloss and attend a "Balls-kissing session, with an "All you can kiss." privilege.


Political correctness is one of the most utterly stupid and insulting things cocked up by humans.

If someone is fat.

For flying fornication's sake, call them fat.

NOT gravitationally, horizontally and coronarily challenged.

For the same reasons you don't call a tall person "more-likely-to-be-struck-by-lightning"-ly disadvantaged, don't call a short person vertically challenged.

As Alan Shore from Boston Legals so aptly puts it:

Denny Crane: "Do you think it's offensive to say that a person sounds 'black'?"
Alan Shore: "I think it's far more offensive to call a person 'street' or 'urban' when what you really mean is 'black'."



Finally, according to Moi Kok Lum (pronounced 'Luh-um', not 'Loom'), there has been a rumour going around that "Gustave was the drama director who back-stabbed his team."

Although Moi Kok Lum refused to mention names, Gustave knows that these back-stabbing pansies are roaming about out there.

Back-stabbing pansies, if you are ever discovered, you may get the rare chance of experiencing the joys of front-stabbing.

Both literally and figuratively.


"See, this is exactly why I carry a swiss army knife around."
-The Gustave


Gustave wishes to state that he has done more for the VILADS than these back-stabbing pansies will ever hope to do with their tiny, deformed genitals.




*This just in!*

Aiman and Gustave did NOT reverse on a highway today.



For the record.


Just thought you would like to know.


Really.


Cheers!