In other news...

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Cats and Dogs.




I want my momma!





The spaniel starts licking the air when something touches its back.




Cats too.

The Gustave got Tagged!

The Gustave got tagged!

He will answer in (God forbid) first-person.



Instructions: Remove ONE question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.


1. Who is your all-time inspiration?

My dad.


2. Have you given your first kiss away?

No. Mouthful of hair does not count.


3. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you? Why?

Aiman: He's well-built and snuggly. Plus he knows some Tenacious-D and Stephen Lynch
songs. And he's got some blackheads that have taunted me ever since we met. I have to fix that.

Berlyn: Because we'll need electricity and energy to recharge our mp3 players and keep some lights on at night. She's like this bright ball of energy. With nice hair.

Lianne: Because we are blar-der and sees-ter. She knows ninjutsu and will probably kill me if I spelled it wrongly. She'll bring in our supply of red meat and teach us how to hunt any monkeys who dare taunt us with shurikens made from dried sand.


4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?

One of those beaches with crystal blue water you see on advertisements or screensavers. Think of South Africa Cape Town. Minus the electric fences. Do tell me the names of those places.


5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?

2 words.

Mission. Hollywood.


6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?

Yes. It tastes like Skittles™


7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?

My sanity.


8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?

Buy electric guitar. Pursue Mission Hollywood. Buy Spike a bitch. Yeah. Maybe two.


9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?

Yes.

"I guess it's better, better to have jumped and fall.
I guess it's better, better than nothing at all."


10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.

Funny. Understanding. Intelligent.


11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?

To get his act together and buckle down for SAM. I'm speaking to The Gustave, of course, my other half.


12. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?

To man a .50 cal machine gun.


13. What is your ambition?

To be an actor in Hollywood and the symbol of sexiness of Asia.


14. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?

Speak. I listen.


15. When is the time that you wished to turn back?
The moment I over-timed for my final solo act, 14 Feb, 2006.

R.I.P. Isidore.


16. List out the people you would be willing to go to the depths of Hell for, with only a double-barreled shotgun, a pair of magnums, a chainsaw, and an electric guitar (For those annoying rock-off encounters with Satan). And why.

Aiman: Because he would do the same for me. Although he might run into a little trouble out-shredding Satan.

Lianne: Because we've seen too many...anime movies to know what happens to beautiful ninjas in Hell.

Berlyn: Because Hell is an unsuitable environment for the well being of a gerberas. :)

Shanti: Because the world needs an awesome drama teacher.

Hans: Because he would do the same for me...knowing that my brother will never pass up a chance to relive Serious Sam in real life...being the FPS freak that he is.


17. Find a word to describe the person who tagged you.
Cool.


18. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
My tendency to procrastinate.


19. What's your target age for you to get married?
27

20. What is the one thing on earth that you want it to disappear?
EVERY PACKET OF CHINESE TEA THAT CLAIMS TO BE GREEN TEA.

...either that, or mosquitoes. Maybe even anal bus drivers.



Tagged:

Aiman.
Melissa.
Hafiz.
Lianne.
Wayne.
Syed.
Tasha.
Denise.



Cheers!

TGP: Moral Movie

The GoodStuff Productions proudly presents(after one hour of shooting and five hours of editing):


The
(socially acceptable, tongue-in-cheek, absolutely necessary for college) Moral Movie





Onward. Starbound.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Wanna sex?

The GoodStuff Productions proudly presents (while raving on about green tea and carrots) :



Wanna sex? -Based on a true SMS story.



Unbelievably Sexy Guy is in college, attending his accounting lesson. He is halfway through a self-assessment test.

Suddenly, Unbelievably Sexy Guy's left cargo pants pocket vibrates in a familiar way.

Unbelievably Sexy Guy sneaks his handphone out and flips it open in an Unbelievably Sexy manner.

Below the numbers '+60166239896' it is written in plain simply Chinglish :



"Wanna sex?"



Unbelievably Sexy Guy replies.


Unbelievably Sexy Guy
: "Depends. Who are you?"

Wannasex: "I wanna suck ur cock. Where u. I in cheras"

Unbelievably Sexy Guy: Yeah, I want to suck my cock too. Who are you?"

Wannasex: "Where u nw? I got place."

......

Wannasex: "So how? I very horny now"

Unbelievably Sexy Guy: "So tell me who you are. It's against my policy to allow nameless strangers to suck my cock."

Wannasex: "I am josh. Leng chai. U"

Unbelievably Sexy Guy: "I am straight. Heterosexual. You?"

Wannasex: "Me bi lo. Where u nw. Wat time can suck u"

Unbelievably Sexy Guy: "When you turn into a female."

Wannasex: "Huh i am nt female. I am boy la."

Unbelievably Sexy Guy: "I know."

Wannasex: "Then y u say i become female. Me str8 acting boy"

......

Wannasex: "So what time can suck u?"

Unbelievably Sexy Guy: "By the time you figure it out."

Wannasex: "Where u stay first?"

Unbelievably Sexy Guy: "The rainforests of Sarawak. With a tribe of Ibans."

Wannasex: "Haiz. If u dont its ok la. Dont fool me ma."





Cheers.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Freedom.

:)

*This just in!*
Established as of 4.37 a.m., 23rd March 2008, The Gustave's World Domination Army hit triple digits in 3 days, 200 in 4 days.

:) :) :) :) :) :)

Due to overwhelming popular demand, despite Gustave's oath to abstain from blogging for a week...


The GoodStuff Production proudly presents:



Freedom.

_____________________________________________________________

Good afternoon, Gustave Oon King Chuan of SAM reporting in.


"Give me Liberty, or give me Death!"


Those were the words delivered by Patrick Henry during his fiery speech on the 23rd of March, 1775, at St.John's Church in Richmond, Virginia. These words alone inspired the Virginia troops to join the Revolutionary War.

Patrick Henry was a man who truly believed in freedom.

Patrick Henry was a slave owner.


In April 1992, a young man from a rich family who graduated from Emory University in 1990 with a degree in history and anthropology, decided to go into the wild. Christopher McCandless left his family for good, gave $25000 in savings to charity, abandoned most of his posessions, burned all the cash he had in his wallet, and hitchhiked to Alaska with nothing more than basic camping equipment and a 10 kg bag of rice. He wanted to live off nature and experience a life free from responsibilities and worries.

Christopher McCandless walked into the wild in search of true, inner freedom.

Christopher McCandless died of starvation during winter.


Ladies and gentlemen, Freedom is overrated.


Patrick Henry, despite shaping history with his fiery oratory that hyped up everyone's perception of freedom, may have been hypocritical. He most certainly talked the talk. However, when it came to walking the slaves, he could not be bothered.

Christopher McCandless, on the other hand, painted a romantic, unrealistic idea of finding freedom in the wild being the most important thing in life. Although inspirational, by going into the wild under-prepared and over-confident, his survival was mainly due to sheer luck. When his luck stopped holding out, he simply died.

However, Abraham Maslow offers a scientific theory, explaining just how much humans value freedom. Maslow's hierarchy of needs states that there are basically five levels of needs.

The first and most important level, is the physiological needs of humans. This includes the need for food, water, oxygen, the need for getting rid of bodily wastes, and the need to...reproduce.

The second level, deals with the safety and security needs. After satisfying the first level of needs, humans start worrying about stability, structure, and protection.

The third level, deals with the love and belonging needs. Humans now feel the need to fit into a group, or be a part of a community. They are now affected by peer pressure.

Finally, the forth level, deals with the esteem needs. Freedom and independence falls under this category. In other words, people are only concerned about their freedom after the first three levels of needs are fulfilled.

In simpler terms, unless humans have enough to eat and drink, get the opportunity to attempt reproduction, feel safe and secure, fit in with others, we don't really care about freedom. What's all the fuss about?

Nowadays, people have been brain-washed into believing that freedom is the most sacred and precious thing. Without freedom, nothing else matters. This could be a very dangerous and extremely profitable thing.

Hypothetically, let us assume that there exists a certain politician with an insatiable thirst for oil. Let us assume that the politician happens to the president of a country. Let us assume that the country has lots of stripes and stars on its national flag, and not to mention, nuclear weapons.

Let us now assume that there exists a weaker country which happens to be rich with oil. Let us assume that the country with colourful stripes, stars and nuclear weapons decides to attack them for their oil.

Of course, that sounds so negative..."attack them for their oil."

Let us rephrase that..."liberate them for their freedom."

Doesn't that sound better?

Because of this over-hyped perception of freedom, any immoral or inhuman action can be justified by simply uttering the word "freedom". A person can be detained indefinitely, with his or her eyes, ears, and mouths sealed off, in order to "safeguard the freedom of this nation".

It appears that this "freedom" thing is definitely worth fighting for. Worth dying for. Even worth killing for.

However, according to a survey conducted by a Malaysian college student by the name of Gustave Oon King Chuan on 40 individuals, people were willing to give up their freedom for one day in exchange for money.

When asked about the absolute minimum one would have to be paid in order to be detained in a room for a whole day doing nothing, the results were quite shocking. Figures ranged from RM100 000, to...RM100. There were quite a few who chose RM100. In fact, one individual, whose name will remain confidential, was even willing to do it for free.

Therefore, according to the survey, the average price of freedom in Malaysia is estimated to be RM9868.96 per day. Gee, I wonder what the price of freedom in the USA is, given the falling exchange rate. Well, at least we can rest well knowing that freedom is worth more than an iPod.

Yes, freedom is a good thing. We need freedom. However, it is obscenely overrated. After all, according to Maslow, food, sex, and peer pressure trumps freedom anyday. Freedom even has a price, and comes in handy as a brilliant excuse to siege your neighbour’s front yard.


Ladies and gentlemen, "Give me liberty or give me death!"?

No!

"Give me liberty or give me RM9868 a day!"

Thank you.

____________________________________________________________________



Onward! Starbound!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

A Dark Day.

Today is a dark day.

And I'm not saying that because I got third with my Freedom speech.



This post is dedicated to my sister.



"...Destiny is calling me, open up my eager eyes, coz I'm Mr.Brightside!"




Things always seem worse in the dark. Get some sleep. Things will be better in the morning.

:)

Onward. Starbound.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Gigabite: Haha.

Just started download for Gossip Girl.

Mmm...Blake Lively.

Denise and The Mechanics were awesome at the ICC. And just like every awesome team deserving to be champions, they got second.

The Mechanics were energetic, clean, professional, and very Disney.

Gustave means that in the best possible way.


Now, the other dancers. My goodness. The Indian dancers were fantastically amazing.


Two words:

Electricfied Colours.


The singers were nothing to shout about, however, they were short-changed by a shitty audio system.

So were the musicians.

The hip-hopsters, on the other hand, went all out with their Human Beat Box routine. Guest artists Dose Two were invited to entertain and promote their album.

The phrase...

"Support the local music."

...has been overused and overwhored.

Stop it.


Anyway, Gustave has this inner vibe, everytime before results are announced.

Despite the adrenaline, the blazing hope, the fang-baring fear, this little cynical voice knows exactly what's about to happen.

Call it the Forensics Factor.

Denise introduced Gustave to Ray. The threesome went out for dinner at Chili's, instead of joining Marvin at Acoustics Between Friends at KLPAC.

Marvin called and Gustave and Gustave broke the news to him...


Gustave: "Marvin, I'm sorry, I won't be joining you, I've met someone new. His name is Ray. He works at channel V and has cool hair."

Marvin: "What!?"

Gustave: "He has a CAR, Marvin. Do YOU have a car? No."

Marvin:"You're giving me up for material reasons?"

Gustave: "He has HAIR, Marvin. Not just on his head! Do YOU have hair, Marvin? No."

Marvin: "Let me talk to this Ray guy."

Ray: "Hi Marvin...No...I didn't STEAL him from you, he came openly to me."

Denise: "HAHAHAHAHAHA! Gus CAME openly to you?!"



There may or may not have been more.

Gus and Ray went to...pee together, leaving one possibly jealous and unsatisfied Denise waiting alone.

The food arrived.



They ate.

They talked.

They laughed.

They shat.



Reading through Melissa's blog sparked off a question in Gustave's mind. He wondered how Melissa could type with colours and different sized fonts.

After tinkering around his blog, Gustave noticed the "Compose" tab next to the "Edit Html" tab.


Thank you, Melissa. You made the world a better place.


Gustave will take his one week break now. Till then...

COME UP WITH CAPTIONS FOR PICTURES BELOW, YEAH?

:)

We love YOU too, don't forget that.

Gustave has not gone schizophrenic.


Cheers!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Gigabite: Enlightenment.

The Gustave has just learned how to type in colours and different fonts on blogger, after years.

To the Unenlightened Ones, every time you want to post something, think of The Gustave, then look at the little tab on the upper right that says "Edit Html" and click "Compose" next to it.


Expect updates and every word of GREEN TEA to be green. It's a slightly darker shade.

A guide on how to survive a zombie outbreak will be provided soon. It includes guidelines on choosing weapons, a brief history of zombie encounters, characteristics of the Solanum virus responsible for turning humans into zombie, and also on increasing public awareness on the zombie threat.

Due to certain reasons, Gustave is sad to announce that he may be taking a week's break from blogging.

Do NOT do the following:
1. Slit your wrists.
2. Overdose on drugs.
3. Jump off tall buildings.
4. Run around throwing chunks of pork meat at people in Kelantan.

Gustave may make time for a quick Gigabite.

Till then, come up with some captions for the photos below.


Cheers!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Rant 1024: Carry a Swiss Army Knife With You

This will be a ongoing collection of things that exist to annoy and irritate the very core of The Gustave.


The first and most global thing that gets The Gustave steaming mad is Chinese "green" tea being widely mistaken for GREEN tea.


GREEN refers to the colour green.

Chinese tea is brown yellowish in colour but it seems that a large majority of Earthlings, including a whole country of sepet-eyed ones, insist that it is green in colour. One can only conclude that this category of people are colour blind, or that the diverging theory applies to them.

If the opening of a gap is extremely small, when white light passes through it, the ray of light is actually separated into 7 different colours. The 7 rays then travel in different directions.

The opening/gap of a certain species of sepet-eyed individuals may cause the phenomenon mentioned above.

Some people may consider something that is brown yellowish in colour (such as urine or chinese tea) to be green.

I don't know about them, but usually only when something is green, I call it green.


JAPANESE GREEN TEA is the only "green" tea recognised by The Gustave.


Anyone who is offended by the statements made above may go boil tea from the harvested ass-hair of a Sasquatch.


A few words of wisdom from Your's Truly, if the box of tea does not say only "Green Tea" on it, without the word "Japanese", carefully open the box with a swiss army knife to examine a sample bag. Gustave has experienced many bad cases of "green" tea scams.


"See, this is exactly why I carry a swiss army knife around."
-The Gustave


The Brownlist:

1. B'oh "green" tea may have a VERY green picture of a cup of green tea on the outside, but it's brown in colour.
2. Almost every China brand "green" tea is actually filled with brownish brownness.




The LRT is a place saturated with people who deserved to be stabbed.


Gustave was on a ride home from Marvin's house with Hans.

Gustave got on board an LRT which promptly filled up with passengers.

Gustave is getting squeezed between a fat, sweaty, hairy man and a fat, sweaty, hairless man.

Eventually, fat, sweaty, hairy man reaches his stop.

Fat, sweaty, hairy man tries to exit LRT.

Fat, sweaty hairy man is blocked by fat, retarded, chinese college kids.

Fat, sweaty, hairy man uses Gustave as leverage to push against.

Gustave has sudden urge to stab fat, retarded, chinese college kids.

Gustave realises that there are no sharp objects within arm's reach.

Gustave stares psychotically at fat, retarded, chinese college kids and surrounding morons who have followed their lead.

Gustave roars: "LET PEOPLE EXIT!"

Gustave resists urge to finish with "...FUCKTARDS!"

Everyone gets shocked and stares at Gustave, including fat, sweaty, hairy man.

Fat, retarded, chinese college kids freeze with terror and cluelessness.

Fat, retarded, chinese college kids back off slowly, either after taking 3 seconds to register English words, or from mortal fear.

Fat, sweaty, hairy man looks at Gustave with thankful, twinkly eyes.

Fat, sweaty, hairy man is probably not gay.

Gustave spends remainder of ride in LRT with a one-foot radius of empty space surrounding him.

"See, this is exactly why I carry a swiss army knife around."
-The Gustave


The college kids happened to be fat, chinese, and certainly mentally impaired to a certain extent.

To those who insist that The Gustave be "politically correct", The Gustave hereby cordially invites them to put on green tea-flavoured lip gloss and attend a "Balls-kissing session, with an "All you can kiss." privilege.


Political correctness is one of the most utterly stupid and insulting things cocked up by humans.

If someone is fat.

For flying fornication's sake, call them fat.

NOT gravitationally, horizontally and coronarily challenged.

For the same reasons you don't call a tall person "more-likely-to-be-struck-by-lightning"-ly disadvantaged, don't call a short person vertically challenged.

As Alan Shore from Boston Legals so aptly puts it:

Denny Crane: "Do you think it's offensive to say that a person sounds 'black'?"
Alan Shore: "I think it's far more offensive to call a person 'street' or 'urban' when what you really mean is 'black'."



Finally, according to Moi Kok Lum (pronounced 'Luh-um', not 'Loom'), there has been a rumour going around that "Gustave was the drama director who back-stabbed his team."

Although Moi Kok Lum refused to mention names, Gustave knows that these back-stabbing pansies are roaming about out there.

Back-stabbing pansies, if you are ever discovered, you may get the rare chance of experiencing the joys of front-stabbing.

Both literally and figuratively.


"See, this is exactly why I carry a swiss army knife around."
-The Gustave


Gustave wishes to state that he has done more for the VILADS than these back-stabbing pansies will ever hope to do with their tiny, deformed genitals.




*This just in!*

Aiman and Gustave did NOT reverse on a highway today.



For the record.


Just thought you would like to know.


Really.


Cheers!

Gigabite: Mission Caption II

The Gustave presents:




Drawn entirely on the Facebook application, Graffiti.



Onward. Starbound.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Gigabite: Mission Caption

The Gustave has decided to post up awesome pictures of himself for you to pore over and think up awesome captions for.


For example,



This is a half kilo brick of chocolate.






This is Gustave's half kilo brick of chocolate.





This is a reliable swiss army knife.





This is Gustave's reliable swiss army knife.





This is a Gustave realising what he can do with the chocolate brick and the swiss army knife.


-or-


"Holy shit...it's a brick...of chocolate...these things exist?!"







This is an extremely happy Gustave.
(Yes, the swiss army knife is doing what you think its doing)






Brace yourselves for the earth-shaking, cock-rocking, star-shooting, epic universe of Gustave that will be unleashed upon you.



This episode's photo is the following:




(That's money held in CY's hand.)



Your mission? Come up with a caption for the picture above and post it on the CHAT BOX.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------>
CHAT BOX
CHAT BOX
CHAT BOX
------------------------------------------------------------------------------>

Those who contribute shall be thought of in a good way by Gustave for a few moments.

The best caption will be featured, instantly propelling its writer to celebrity fame.



...solid bricks of chocolate MAY be up for grabs after TheNightWasDarkAndStuff reaches epic worldwide influence.



Feel free to caption any other pictures here as well!




"...and here's to dreams that will never die."


Onward. Starbound.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

To Rainwalk, or Not To Rainwalk.

Gustave is currently entering this weblog in Taylors.

It is raining outside, and the urge to Rainwalk is only controlled by the precious college notes in Gustave's bag.

Gustave resorts to blogging and nuking people with My Heroes Ability on Facebook.

"This just in! Ashley Quek complimented Gustave for being smart after checking out the video and consequence in Gigabite: Ouch.

Gustave cannot help but detect a hint of sarcasm."


During moral today, Gustave met two very, very, very...nice...girls.


:)


Gustave made small talk about the weather and whether the petrol retailing industry is a monopolistic competition market or a differentiated oligopoly.

(This is where YOU, the reader/worshipper/stalker, get to actively participate in improving the well-being of The Gustave. Cross your toes and fingers now and pray to *insert superior being here* for the two very, very, very...nice...girls to magically stumble upon TheNightWasDarkAndStuff and fully realise the living wonder that is The Gustave.)


*GRUMBLE...GRRRoooOOoowwwll...UUurrp...*


"This just in! The great stomach Gods have demanded a sacrifice from The Gustave."


Cheers.

2 Stalkers, a Gustave, and an Awesome Blog.

The Gustave has his creative juices strained dry by college coursework and drama.

Therefore, enjoy the creatively and awesomely written title.

Gustave is trying to coordinate 5 actors with 3 drama scripts by this friday for the 2008 Taylor's Freeflow.

Expect solo acts, duets, trios, and orgies of standup comedy fun!

Audience participation is encouraged.

Especially when Gustave, Victoria and Anthony are performing.


In that case, you are...strongly encouraged to participate by laughing in a loudness of 69 decibals or louder.


You will laugh.


And laugh hard.


Until you cry.


And you will cry.


And cry hard.


The identities of both theSheblogHopper and "her" imposter still remain a mystery.

Cheers.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Gigabite: Ouch

You are about to witness a historic moment in The Universe of Gustave.

This is the first ever log from Gustave that features a picture.


14-03-2008, 2.45 p.m.,
Claire says: "Kukujiao can fly what! Jiao mah!"


The Gustave presents:

Poking dogs during mealtimes.




Bad idea.

















Ouch.



Today, somewhere around noon, Gustave discovers that staring at the sun still hurts even if he wears blue sunglasses.

Bad idea.

Gustave has rounded up Anthony, Cathleen, Mandeep, and The Victoria for drama.

Economics presentation is tomorrow.

Gustave is beginning to fully appreciate the words of Angelina..."Welcome to SAM hell."

Gustave compliments Flo on her perfect picture with her perfect hair covering half of her perfect face while revealing her perfect eyes.

Gustave compliments himself for complimenting Flo.

Flo laughs.

Gustave laughs.

The Angry German Kid laughs.

theSheblogHopper laughs.

The identity of theSheblogHopper remains a mystery.

Gustave concludes this episode of Gigabite with words of wisdom before he passes out from exhaustion.


18-03-2008, 1.26 a.m.,
The Gustave says: "In college life, 6 hours of sleep is a luxury."

Cheers.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Warm Sunday Nights.

Alright, who hates those depressing warm Sunday nights right before school or college reopens?

Show of hands.

Well, actually...

The chat box is there for a reason.

Show of comments.

Good.


Now, who also has the peculiar habit of letting your coursework pile up on you till the sky turns dark on your final day of break?

Ah.


It's kinda like waking up all disorientated after an evening nap, only to come face to face with the living nightmare of tons of undone work.

Not funny.


The Gustave shares your pain and will get back to his work now.

Cheers.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Blue Shades

It is official.

Gustave has bought his first pair of cheap sunglasses.

And by cheap, he means RM10.
And by sunglasses, he means blue in colour.

Unrated pictures of Gustave will be posted soon. As soon as Gustave's made in china mp4 player decides to function again.

The fricking switch broke.

Not the camera lens, not the screen. It HAD to be the power button.

How and why?

It's made in canine-consuming, feet-binding, chinese-tea-drinking, China.

That's how and why.


In other news, Gustave officially endorses Foamy's Rant.
Foamy is the psychotic squirrel of Germaine the goth chick.

He rants about bad drivers.
He rants about overpriced coffee.
He rants about half-assed smokers.
He rants on Newgrounds.com

"Using your boobs in a poker game is like using cheat-codes in real life. Except that they're not codes, they're boobs!"

"Everyone within a 10 mile radius has their meal ruined because 'little johnny' has a little fit and is totally out of fucking control. Seriously, I'm going to start slicing up baby eyes if parents don't do something."

Tankmen is another hit series made popular by its very own cock and ball jokes.
Very well done, nonetheless.

Ask a ninja
.
The ultimate podcast.


Till then, watch and enjoy.

Cheers.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Closure.

SPM 2007
4 A's.

4 B's.

3 C's.

1 Glorious E.



Can anyone tell me what 'E' is for?


That's right, class! 'E' is for Chinese!


Do you know what '8E' means?


Yes? Very good. It means pass. Not PAS. Pass. Lulus.



Gustave spends RM180 on script books and World War Z to celebrate.

Gustave spends RM10 on colourful, metallic pens to celebrate.

Gustave and Aiman fail to find perfect pair of sunglasses to signify the end of high school life.

Aiman and Gustave undergo (alternative) customary testosterone-fueled masculine ritual to signify the significantly significant signification of the ending of high school life.

Gustave, Aiman, and Melissa had RM80 worth of Sushi to celebrate. Bottomless premium green tea for RM3, baby!

Gustave imagines weight of books in salmon.

Melissa got Aiman and Gustave free ice-blended coffee, before surprising Aiman with the fact that she is mixed.

Aiman and Gustave revel in being 100% original, tulen, pure, made in Malaysia.

Melissa realises that Iris is the name of Gustave's guitar, and not a real person.

Melissa gets home and reads this on Gustave's blog.

Melissa rolls eyes.

Melissa decides to post comment in chat box.

Melissa hesitates because she wants to deny Gustave the satisfaction.

Melissa fails to resist the urge to comment.



On the brightside, TheNightWasDarkAndStuff has a nice, little fan base in Assunta.

Another reason to love Assuntarians!


Wheee.

It's raining.

Gustave loves rainy nights.

Gustave has trouble deciding whether he likes Mid Night Rain or Gray Morning Rain better.



R.I.P, 2007.
"Closure. And thus ends high school. As one door closes, another opens. Remember, we'll be walking out of that hall as men. Onward. Starbound. The Gustave."
-The Gustave, 2008.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Gustave beckons...

Alrighty, people. Remember how since you were young, you wanted to contribute to the well-being of Gustave?

No?

Try harder.

HARDER.

Good.


As some of you may have heard, Gustave got himself into the finals for Taylor's public speaking tournament. The topic is:

Freedom.


Very broad and all. Anything that relates to freedom.

Now, Gustave would like each and everyone of you to pitch out little ideas and suggestions in that magical blue box to the right.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->

Anyone who helps out gets a BIG hug from Gustave the next time your paths cross.


This just in! SPM results are released tomorrow! Holy shitake mushrooms! Gustave will be in MidValley with Iris, Aiman and Melissa, hopefully, enjoying coffee and books while making sweet sensual music with Iris.

Call him if you feel like celebrating or crying your hearts out.

The Gustave can be very understanding and emphatic.


5 years. It comes down to this. A piece of paper, hopefully A-ridden.
Closure. We move on with life. Or not. If you fail BM.


Till then, SPMers!


Onward. Starbound.
Cheers!

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Of Big Macs and Blueberry Vodka.

Gustave made it into the finals for Taylor's public speaking competition!


(Pause for audience applause)


(Politely decline French kiss from Paris Hilton)


(Politely request for security to remove Paris Hilton from building)


(Laugh with audience)


(Politely accept french kiss from Rhona Mitra and Missy Peregrym)


(Pause as catfight ensues)


Right, anyways, the topic given was Globalisation.

Ok. First thing first.

1. Rally fan base and audience support for laughter at right moments.
2. Ask IAN LEOW to come support because of what a supportively, supportive, friend supporter he is. (There. :P)
3. Call The Shanti and The Hafiz for ideas.

Miss-called Shanti, for economic purposes, and got the following from her:
"Read last sunday's starmag. Talk about how globalisation is removing boundaries between people and opening up opportunities."

-_-


* -_- is as close to an accurate representation of Gustave's facial expression at a given time as possible.*


Hmmm.

Um.

Well.

Um.

Nah...:P

Sorry Shanti! XD

It's just that every other Abu, Ah Kau, and Pak Lah will be gunning in that direction.

Internet... culture diversity and destruction... language...communication... economic reasons...

C'MON, Gustave! Think OUTSIDE THE BOX!


Wait a minute, thinking outside the box is overused and cliched.

Perhaps it's time think INSIDE the box.

Inside the box of a BIG MAC.

Thank you Hafiz.


------------------------> Hafiz Rocks <---------------------------


With Hafiz, anything can be related to iPods or something. The Hafiz is genius!


Oops.


---------------------> Shanti Rocks too... <----------------------


Heh. :)


Argh.


-------------------------> Syed rocks <---------------------------


Alright. After a combined 5 hours of research, straining eyebrow muscles, and editing, plus 10 more minutes of last minute editing, The Gustave presents:

*Cue drum roll*

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The Big McDomination

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, Gustave Oon of SAM reporting in.

We Malaysians have gotten into this whole trendy globalisation craze. Our weapon, utilizing the concept that the pen is mightier than the sword, is the "LAH". The Lah is addictive, foreigners can never seem to be rid of it. The Lah is contagious, infectious, and delicious. The Lah, is globalised. It is everywhere Lah. Why Lah? I don't know Lah. Ask Pak Lah.

(Pause for audience laughter.)

However, even our Lah is simply no match for the globalisation powerhouse.

Loaded with transitional fat and dripping with carcinogens, ladies and gentlemen,

The Big Mac.

Not Apple Mac. Big Mac.

The Big Mac is the sole survivor of all its other globalisation wannabe siblings. This includes the Mega Mac, made with 4 beef patties, the Monster Mac, with 8, the Mac Jr, and even the Maharaja Mac which is only available in India and is made of chicken. The Big Mac is so popular that even the Ten Commandments is no match for it. In fact, according to a survey conducted by Kelton Research on 1000 Americans, 25% of them could accurately and hastily list out all the 7 ingredients of a Big Mac in order. Whereas only 14% of them knew the Ten Commandments. McDomination is taking over the world...one burger at a time. McDonalds served its one billionth Big Mac in 1976. In 2005, McDonalds agreed to pay hip-hop artists to include the word "Big Mac" in their songs.

The Big Mac is the perfect representation of globalisation. The Economist created the Big Mac Index, also known as Burgernomics, in September 1986, using the price of a Big Mac as an accurate representation of the standard of living in any given country.

Apart from that, The Big Mac keeps the world going. It provides 484 kcal in Malaysia, 540 kcal in USA, and 600 in Mexico. This enables us to estimate the daily calorific needs and the obesity rate...sorry, the horizontal growth rate of humans around the globe. Furthermore, because of the Big Mac's "health benefits", job opportunities in the medical world have magically appeared. This demand for doctors and surgeons has encouraged the young generation to spend up to 7 years in a foreign land experiencing foreign culture, while, of course, learning how to cut open bodies and perform coronary bypasses.

If that is not globalisation, I don't know what is.

Oh wait, the Big Mac is.

Jose Bove, of France, was sentenced to 3 months of jail for ransacking a half-built McDonalds restaurant. He is an important leader of the Anti-Globalisation movement. Hah! How ungrateful. Whenever anything bad happens, let's blame McDonalds, let's blame the Big Mac! See, that's the problem with the world.

We have obese people...sorry...the politically correct term is...horizontally and gravitationally challenged individuals suing McDonalds, blaming the Big Mac for the living wonder that they have become.

The internet may have connected people across the globe and formed a culture of chat-speaking individuals who L.O.L. (Laugh out loud). The Lah may be finding its way into the end of sentences around the world. The Ten Commandments may have been around for 2008 years. However, when it comes down to it, ladies and gentlemen, the Big Mac is the ultimate, undisputed, symbol of globalisation.

So, the next time you sink your teeth into a Big Mac, remember, ladies and gentlemen, you are stepping into the era of globalisation.

Thank you.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

However, Gustave was most saddest. Why?
Because non of his beautiful friendies came to support him and provide audience reaction.

:(:(

The Gustave got the audience laughing anyway.

:):):)

And made it into finals.

:):):):)

*To new readers, the number of smileys indicate the emotional level of Gustave from Forensics Euphoric, to Upbeat, to Slightly Bummed, and to "WAHH! I WANNA GO HOME AND EAT SHIT AND DIE!"*

On his way back, Gustave bought dog food and enlisted the service of Hans to carry it home. Gustave also bought a RM0.99 pack of jelly, a RM0.99 can of jasmine Green tea, and a bottle of KANPAI Blueberry Vodka.


The Blueberry vodka turned out to be swimming pool blue. Which is good. :)

The assorted jelly turned out to be assorted in colour. Which is good. :)

The jasmine Green tea turned out to be brown. Which is #*$@*& !!@#!#$-#$@$@** !*@@$%! @#!*$@!!. >:( >:(


Gustave and Hans proceeded to crush the reproductive organs of a Baphomet in Ragnarok Battle Offline under the influence of alcohol.


The Blueberry Vodka was finished 38 hours later.



And to quote a little phrase spoken between Kimberly the Awesome Peach and Gustave:

"Here's to wishes that will never come true..."

"...and here's to dreams that will never die."


Cheers!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Gigabite: Drama calls.

Drama calls the Pre-College Gustave back into action. The College Gustave is subdued, well-mannered, and conditioned not to behave like a whirlpool of electrified green tea on a sugar high.

The College Gustave, also known as the Taylor's Gustave, is not very happy. He is frowned upon by society in general.

That was before...

...he discovered the Taylor's Drama club.

Now, after been put in touch with individual whirlpools of electrified green tea on a sugar high, and having a taste of the limelight again, the Pre-College Gustave, also known as the Victorian Gustave, is punching his way outta the grave...sort of like how Uma Thurman punched her way out of a coffin in Kill Bill.

Without the splinters, of course.

Or boobs.

Yeah.

This hybrid of the Victorian Gustave and the College Gustave will probably form what people around the world are calling The Taylors Gustave.

IMPORTANT. The word of the week is...

Mantits. Or, Manboobs.

It is NOT totally random. There's a very interesting story behind it which involves the name of a certain Singh, whose identity will of course be kept secret.


For now. :P


Another matter of AWESOME importance.
TheNightWasDarkAndStuff seems a little too long.

Gustave is thinking of renaming it.

Gigabite, maybe?

In reference to a poem made famous by Benjamin Ong, Gustave feels that he has to go back to the place from where began his journey...

Gigabolt7.

...and view it with a new perspective.

Anyway, the other idea, which does not involve jumping from name to name every few weeks, is taking letters in order from TheNightWasDarkAndStuff and forming an AWESOME word.

So far, I've gotten:

TitStuff
TisDaStuff
TitsAndStuff
Tits.


This is strange.

The Gustave has a sudden craving for milk.

Chocolate milk.

Right. So how would this information help you in life? This is a tournament open to the EVER SO LOYAL READERS WHO CHECK BACK TWICE A DAY AND LEAVE COMMENTS and their friends, family, ex-family, pets and talking notebooks.

The name which wins the favour of Gustave will get the AWESOME privilege of being officially be used by him when shamelessly promoting TheNightWasDarkAndStuff to the point of immortality.

"In other news, Gustave spent an hour today cam-whoring with his classmates. He took many photos together with attractive members of both genders and CY..."

Sorry, CY.

"...except for Jia Sheen, who is still pretty much freaked out by every version of The Gustave. Gustave has also managed to write his speech for tomorow in a combined 3 hours which included a Legal Studies period and recess. A few people pulled a Gustave, also known as Shooting For The Stars, during the cam-whoring. Gustave joined the Drama Club and got the post of SAM representative. On the way home yesterday, Gustave discovered 3 issues of the PhatMen comics tucked away in a shelf on the first floor of pearl point international hotel. The Phatmen comics are the only comics that reduce the formidable Gustave into stomach cramping giggles. On the way home today, Gustave discovered Lite-Yo, by nutrigen..."

It came in a TEAL coloured cup. TEAL. Gustave's favourite colour. And it had artsy wording in GREEN. GREEN. Gustave's second favourite colour.

It was green-tea flavoured yoghurt with aloe vera bits.

HOLY SHITAKE MUSHROOMS!

Have you seen so many AWESOME words used in the same sentence in reality?

*Reality is the term used to describe the small area outside Gustave's private universe.*

GREEN TEA. YOGHURT. ALOE VERA. TEAL. GREEN.

All in one AWESOME cup available at RM1.45!!!!!!

*!!!!!! is the term used to imply that The Gustave has gone uncontrollably excited and has the energy level equivalent to a nuclear bomb going off in a warehouse full of farting cows*

It rocked The Gustave Universe, causing him to buy 3 cups in addition to 2 cups of Marigold Aloe Vera.

Gustave got home, washed his hands twice with Jojoba soap, sat next to the computer watching his brother play DotA, and gently, sensually peeled open the aluminium foil separating the precious substance from the cruel, harsh world, and licked his lips.

It was not green.




IT WAS NOT FLYING FLAGELLATING GREEN.



ARGHGHGHGHGHGHHGHGHGHGHGH!



*Imagine nuclear bomb going off in warehouse full of farting cows.*


IT WAS ORANGE BROWNISH.



Ok, calm down, maybe by some freakish coincidence, they filled it with the wrong batch...heh.

Then Gustave found a piece of brown-coloured aloe vera.


ONCE AGAIN, Gustave wishes to declare, Green Tea is NOT Chinese Tea or the so called "Lu Cha", also known as Piss Of Satan After Hearty Helping Of Asparagus.


Green Tea
X
Chinese Tea


They must have soaked the aloe vera chunks in a big pot of water and boiled it with 10 sachets of Chinese Tea to dye it brown.


Sig Fuggers.

Seriously Sig Fuggers.

Too ignorant or stupid to tell the difference between Green Tea and urine.


One last thing,

ATTENTION ALL READERS:
You ARE worthy enough to use the chat box to the right.
Use it.


Now at 1.41 a.m. Gustave has to type out his speech for the prelims of Taylor's Public Speaking Competition.

Globalisation. The Big Mac.



Onward. Starbound.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Gigabite: Espresso.

I got these awesome notebooks. One has a picture of a totally innocent naive girl with freckles who is hugging a ship sail in a totally innocently, naively, non-suggestive way while her hair blows in the wind.

Ahhh.

:)

Among the rest, is a cute little one which occupies the lower right pocket of my cargo pants with my black Faber Castell true gel pen. It has abstract drawings of happy people smiling, footprints, a sun, and its all very colourful.

I like colours.

:)

Anyway, mum got me this awesome new bag which proved it's worth today by shielding my precious college notes and stuff from the rain. I quote from The Gustave's little colourful book of happy people smiling:

"I stand here by the roadside, with speeding cars on my left, pouring rain on my right, and a half-completed crossover above me. Wind whistles through my A4tech earplug earphones' bass hole thing. Listening to Operator, the line is dead and Hallelujah by Imogen Heap."

I live an exciting life.

See, I had a standing space of about 3 feet, with roadkill on one side, and pneumonia on the other. Plus there was this girl behind me with an umbrella and...

...heh.

Now, I have also gotten myself into a public speaking competition. This friday. 5 minute speech. Globalization.

So I am totally gonna write about the internet and how it brings the whole world together.

*SARCASM*

I just made a joke. Laugh.

Good.

Now laugh out loud.

In the chatbox.

THE CHATBOX. ---------------------------------------------------------------->

:)

Yeah, I think I'm funny as bunny too.


Speaking of bunnies, and how the Retarded Animal Babies and happy tree friends are always killing them off, I have bought a book with my CNY book vouchers.

The Bumper book of Bunny Suicides.

It. Is. Funny.

Angelina and Ashley Quek finds it disturbing that I enjoy reading it. Well, Claire, Victoria, Kim, Ming, Ian, Ashley Chin and pretty much everyone else enjoyed it too.

Oh wait, Angelina and Quek finds it exceptionally disturbing that I spent RM60 on it.

:)

No comment.

"In other news, CY spilled a bag of Chipster™ during LAN class while attempting a backward pass to Gustave."

The only course of action was plainly apparant.

I dared people around me to eat the fallen Chipsters™.

Ricky eat one piece.
CY ate 9 pieces.
Claire almost ate a piece, but was rescued by Gustave...after Gustave tried to feed it to her open AH-ing mouth.

Gustave has found his female soulmate.

Victoria.

*Cue angelic choir*

No. Not Victoria Institution or the spouse of a particularly famous football player who is almost as famous as Gustave.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHhahah....NYAHAHAAHAhahaa....OHH...IT GOES WHOOOSH!...HAHHAHAHA...."
was pretty much how she reacted to The Bunny Suicides.

Arsenal. Dilbert. Green tea. The name Victoria. Warcraft 3. Bunny deaths.

:)

"In other news, Kimberly Oh has taken on a bet with her friends to see who can lose the most weight over the course of 6 months. Gustave the Health Nut had fun at her expense by slowly, nibble by nibbly, lick by lickly, indulging in a chocolate filled brownie thing. Kim had some wonderful 0% fat yoghurt and a herbal drink. On an unrelated matter, Kim appears to be 'The innocent girl'. No further comment were made."

Gustave discovers that Mel works at San Francisco Coffee in MidValley and has a 25% price for all the drinks, including the Holy Brew of Green Tea (Once again I stress that Green Tea refers to JAPANESE green tea. NOT the yellow-brown-coloured-piss-of-Satan-the-dark-lord-of-the-underworld Chinese tea.) with UNLIMITED REFILLS. MidValley is 10 mins away from home via very frequent RapidKL buses.

:) :) :) :)

Oh wait, it's 25% DISCOUNT.

:) :)

Oh wait, Gustave remembers that he bought a "CoffeeBean Notebook" from Nightingale for occasions like this. Now he can look cool, detached, sophisticated, intelligent and stuff, while slurping on a RM15 cup of coffee.

:) :) :) :) :)

*Incoherant cough* The smileys represents the level of Happiness of Gustave. *Incoherant cough*


" In other news, Gustave made a comment about slapping around and "card-slashing" a rapid KL bus driver if he gives you trouble over a faulty RapidKL monthly card to a classmate."

The term "Card-slashing" means to slide a card through the fissure between the Gluteus Maximus of an unfortunate person.

The term "Gluteus Maximus" refers to the muscles found on either sides of the buttocks.

The term "muscles found on either sides of the buttocks" refers to ass cheeks.


Ahhh.

:)

I feel better now.

Don't you?

The Gustave once again apologizes for the delayed release of The Gustave's Forensics Post.

He also promises more juicy gigabites of his life captured, analyzed, amplified, and transfered, from cute colourful notebooks with happy people smiling and innocent looking girls' hair blowing the the sea breeze, to TheNightWasDarkAndStuff.

Till then, this is The Gustave, over and out.

Cheers!