In other news...

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Thought For Food

Here are some thoughts I would gladly trade in for a subway sandwich:


"Stick it in him, Aiman!"
-Vic



What's the Malay word for Sodomy?

Sudoku.



"Only two things are infinite- the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not so sure about the universe."
-Albert Einstein



"You are the worm in my stomach."
-Sydney (to Jian Rong)

(I can think of several things that look like worms.)




By only looking at the face of a person in a picture, how can you tell if he's about to sneeze or orgasm?




Boys like girls, but girls like men.





Nom! Nom! Nom!

Cheers!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Assholes.

There are good days.

There are bad days.

There are Green Tea days.

But mostly, there are shit days.


Shit days are caused by being in close proximity with assholes.

The smelly, annoying, pulsating kind.


Personally, I go through life tolerating assholes.

Sometimes.


I'm not surrounded by them.

But the thought of having to breathe in what they breathe out deeply disturbs me on many levels.

Don't you get that sometimes?



Assholes have totally ruined air for me.

...and the Joker's "Why so serious" line.



I think there should be a socially acceptable way of informing someone of his or her Anality.

How about giving them a folded three-piece of toilet paper?

Maybe a four or five-piece if the guy's a really big asshole.

Personally, my buttwipes are three-pieced.


"Hey man, see ya later..."

"Alright man, see ya, man..."

"Yeah...oh wait..."

"Yeah...whassup?"

"One more thing...here you go..."

"Woah...what's tha...? Oh...Oh. I see."

"Yeah...you know how it rolls, dawg..."

"Yeah, man. It's cool..."


Expect to see it in a cinema near you.



Stock up on toilet paper! 3 assholes are born every minute!

Every 30 seconds, a child dies of second-hand asshole exposure.

Studies have shown that assholes are the leading cause of anal cancer.

Don't do assholes! Just say NO!



Meet the assholes:

The annoying asshole.
Annoys. Sometimes by talking too much about too little.

The selfish asshole.
Only thinks of self. Takes self-preservation too far. Makes life difficult for others to save 5 minutes of own time.

The smelly asshole.
No pun intended. Has the personal hygiene of a...a...an asshole. Stinks. Does not care about health and wellbeing of surrounding people. Has never heard of deodorant. A subclass of the selfish asshole.

The obnoxious asshole.
Thinks he's really fucking funny. Too much. Too loud. Too cool.

The sucker-up asshole.
Sucks up excessively. Think over-enthusiastic blowjob, without the blowjob. Will even resort to backstabbing and dirty tactics to get what they want.

The shallow asshole.
Has the depth of a well dressed, decorated, perfume-reeking puddle. Thinks looking pretty or macho and owning a handbag and bling-bling are basic human rights.

The lazy asshole.
Does not want to do anything that involves more than existing. May even ask others to do work. Like asking another for a buttwipe.

The over-achieving asshole.
Complains that marks are limited to 100%. Threatens suicide for a week because of a 99.975 result on a Moral Studies quiz.

The two-faced asshole.
Manipulative. Considers backstabbing and gossiping a full-time job. Snipes people from cover. Usually cowardly. Try not to imagine what a two-faced asshole looks like.

The insensitive asshole.
Has the social skills of a baboon on weed. Which makes no sense at all. Cares not about the situation or the feelings of others.

The arrogant asshole.
A combination of the insensitive asshole and the selfish asshole. Does whatever regardless of the wellbeing of others. Endangers others at times. Also known as the Fuck Everything Asshole.

The bushole.
Includes 90% of all Malaysian bus drivers.

The asshole.
Exists.




Assholes come in all shapes and sizes. All smells and colours.

Assholes help us appreciate the rest of the world and everyone else who's not anal.

So, if, or rather...when, I tell you that you are not an asshole...it's a compliment.

It means I do not visualise setting your pubes ablaze and watching you burn to a Famous Anus cookie crisp.

And now you know why I carry lighters around.



Here's to all the assholes in the world who deserve a pencil in the eye!

Cheers!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Denise Lavigne

Attention, forces of The Gustave.

This Saturday, 12 p.m, at Sunway Pyramid, you will be there, letting only Death stop you.

...unless it really, really, inconveniences you.



Denise is going to compete for the custom Fender guitar signed by Avril Lavigne, and you are going to make it happen.



No.

Denise did not promise sexual favours of any kind to Gustave.

Denise will be dressed all Lala-ish, Jap Pop, Avril Lavigne-ish, probably in pink and black.

(I just typed 'black'. It's the background.)



Winner will decided by audience cheer.

This means that you cheer ONLY, and EXCLUSIVELY, for Denise.

The Penise.

=P


The one with the mole. And guitar.




The one with the flower.





The one with the...nose. And smile.





Yes.

Gustave may feel more generous about his Baskin Bucks if you obey orders.



No.

Gustave is not a stalker.



...anymore.



Hey, hey. You, you.

Rock on! Rock hard, Denise!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Yes, No, Mmm, Uh.

1. You cannot say 'Yes' or 'No' or any variations.

2. You cannot hesitate and stall with 'Mmm' or 'Uh'.

3. You cannot repeat your answers.

4. You cannot ask questions.


If you were listening to Hitz.fm this morning at 8.20 a.m, you would have known that some dude named Gustave survived one minute against Rudy and Adam C.


Gustave won himself 300 Baskin Robins Bucks.


"Yay. I won. WOAH! I've been dreaming for this moment for many sleepless nights."


However, Gustave revealed, on national radio to the rest of Malaysia, that he is "a very naughty boy."


The sound clip will be uploaded soon.




Yes, yes. Of course you are Gustave's bestest fwends in the whole white wurld.

No, no. Gustave has not received his vouchers.

Mmm, Gustave has no idea when he will receive it.

Uh, Gustave may or may not be in a generous mood.



=)


JJ, Rudy, and Adam C are nice peoples.



The Hitz.fm morning crew, JJ and Rudy!!

92.9 FM in the Klang Valley!



Cheers!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Post 100.

This is the 100th post on TheNightWasDarkAndStuff.

Knowing Gustave, he has probably planned something awesomely, unbelievably, fuck-tacularly, mind-blowingly, holy-crap-I-wet-my-pants-ly, epic.

Gustave tends to do that everytime his hit counter hits another 1000.




Ladies and gentlemen, your support has compelled and fed Gustave's ego spirit and World Domination Army long enough for him to reach his 100th blog post.




Break out the old newspapers, your mind is about to be blown, because...








Gustave proudly, sincerely, epically presents:







...















...because we all know what that means.

:)





Hans...has turned 16.

Marvin...is still being a Marvin.

Kim...makes nice sandwiches.

Shanti...am t3h PfwnZ0rZ!!1

Syed...is awesome.

Vic...is nice peoples.

Spike...is nice doggies.

Tasha...taught me how to spell "epically".

Aiman...has forgotten about the internet.

Lindley...must sing.

Gustave...needs more sleep.



Rock fucking on,
Rock fucking hard.


Cheers!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Taylor gives back!

Taylor's had a charity drive today.


Gustave calls Hits.fm and gets slot for Yes,No, Mmm, Ah for tomorrow.


L1 sets-up Waffle and Rootbeer Float stall.

L1 is NOT ripping off A&W.

...although Carmen did wear an A&W T-shirt.

Purely coincidental.


Gustave puts on a waffle-suit designed and built by Ricky.

Gustave puts on his special shades.

"Waffles and rootbeer, only at The Web. Get a waffle TODAY!"

"Waffles are square and sexy! You know you want one!"

"Are you hungry or thirsty? We've got waffles and rootbeer t satisfy your every desire!"

"Waffles and rootbeer! Place your order here!"


Gustave gets funny looks from strangers and friends.

...ex-friends, probably.



Gustave gets his fortune told by Victoria and Ming.

Victoria the Devil says Gustave is a knight in his past.

Knights are good.

Batman is a knight.

A dark one.

Victoria says Gustave will be a King in the near future.

"King. Arrogant, vain, snobbish."

=(

Gustave quickly gets his fortune told by Ming the Angel.

Ming says Gustave is in a phase where he must listen to his heart and follow his passion while also doing things which may be unpleasant for the sake of improving his future.

Ming is nice peoples.

=)

Gustave dips his right ring finger into molten candle wax.

Vic laughed.

>=(




Gustave and Caryn fling and hurl water balloons at Mr. Kevin and Mei Ling.

Gustave laughs obscenely.




L1 soldout her stock of waffles and rootbeer!

L1 makes a 3-digit profit!

FTW!!1 W00t!!!



Gustave tries to pay RM10 for 6 balls to dunk Ian with at the Dunking Machine.

Gustave has been preparing and dreaming of this moment for a long time.

"Ian, I am coming for you!"

Ian gets dunked by Gustave.

Gustave is happy.

Gustave is prepared for dunking due to the unanimous vote of L1.

Gustave takes off shirt.

Girls go wild.

Guys go wild.

Wild goes wild.

Ian grabs a ball.

Gustave taunts Ian...something to do with throwing like a girl.

Jason grabs ball from Ian.

Gustave is scared.

Jason throws hard but misses.

Gustave laughs at Jason.

Jason walks towards machine and punches the trigger.

Gustave fall into the pool of water with his mouth open.

Jason is happy.

Jia Sheen cannot throw balls to save her life.

=P




Gustave is King today.

King of the Grand Wire Circuit.

Loop of wire...get through circuit without touching sides...you know.

Gustave got RM100, he can now pay off his debts to Jonathan and Stephanie.

Gustave celebrates by walking around with crown made from wire on his head.

Goh is Queen of Grand Wire Circuit.

Goh only lost by 0.08 seconds.

Goh offers Gustave candy from her prize of a big box of candy.

Gustave picks mentos.

Goh is nice peoples.



Ashley, Carmen, Ricky, Shin Yi, Ian and Gustave camwhore.

The multi-armed Kali.

...or Mask Rider.

Angel calls Gustave The Statue of Liberty.



Security guard does not allow Gustave to lay back on steps of KLCC park while reading book and gazing into the clear sky through Gustave's special shades.

Gustave, Hock Seng and Vic go to KLCC to watch DarkKnight.

Vic says Gustave would "make an awesome Joker!"

Gustave blushes.

And laughs maniacally.

Hock Seng walks Gustave around while Gustave wears his special shades like a blind man.

Hock Send walks Gustave into a piller.

Stranger in vicinity stare and give disapproving looks at Hock Seng and Vic who are snickering.

It was Gustave's twisted idea.

=)



Gustave realises that he missed his opportunity to dunk Ms. Doh.

Gustave is sad.




Peppermint ice-cream is awesome.
Molten candle wax is hot.
Security guards are turds in fluorescent vests.
Guppies are cute.

Cheers!

Monday, August 4, 2008

Rusty

Aight.

*cracks knuckles*

Here we go.


It's been a while, eh?

I'm gonna blog in first person more often now, requires less brain juice and time.


Speaking of rusty things, if you still smile occasionally instead of twitching psychotically while rocking back and forth in a dark room with flickering lights singing twisted lullabies, and dream about rainbows and unicorns and nymphomaniacs, then you have not watched Salad Fingers.

"The feeling of rusty spoons on my salad fingers is almost...orgasmic."

Salad Fingers -only on Newgrounds.
(Do NOT watch at 2 a.m while high on weed. Just a suggestion.)


Went for Sam's "Birthday" party last Saturday, THANK YOU Vic.

Yeah, Vic kinda sorta told me it was Sam's birthday.

You DID.

HAH.

Ah...no no no no no no...

Don't deny it.



Now Sam has a cool Chinese brush painting on her wall...hopefully well out of reach of the cats.

:| <---(Serious face)


Met an old MBS buddy from Lianne's getogether years ago.

He still remembers Retarded Animal Babies and Star Wars: Transitions.



Becca is nice peoples.

=)



Julie popped a pimple on my face during truth or dare.

>=(

She chose dare.

I suggested that she pop someone's pimple.

Everyone laughs for approximately 3 seconds before staring at my forehead.

"Come here, sayang!"

"NO-O-O-O-O...!"



Ooh, no automatic 6mm Air rifle this time. =(




It was fun until I got an SMS reminding me of the joys and wonder of SAM.

...and that I get no sleepover.

Hoo-rah.

Maths is fun.

:| <---(Sarcastic face)



I actually dreamt about maths yesterday.

Bloody hell.

Vic and Kim were in it.

A lot of hell broke loose but everything seemed to be in order and made sense because we were kinda determining the 95% confidence interval of surviving and stuff.

Everything fit into math questions.

"Determine with 95% confidence interval whether the mean weight of a box of chocolates is lower than 340 g..."

"Determine with 95% confidence interval whether we are all fucked when the radioactive meteor hits the petrol station we are standing in which is also surrounded by herds of farting cows."

And then I actually visualised the freaking...

"1.96 - blahblah < P < 1.96 + blahblah"

...formula



But strangely, I felt calm in the dream.

Disturbingly calm.

Because math actually made sense of the world.

For a moment there.

In that dream.

I felt a certain inner peace.

Much like the 15 seconds after one achieves an orgasm.






In other news, Ms. Sydney versus Ashley Chin.
Ms. Sydney took over after Ashley's introduction to 'gearing low' in accounts today. Heh, rusty gears.

"I know Ashley is just waiting to show off."
:P

Unfortunately/Fortunately, no catfights occurred.




This is a shoutout to the music loving hippy who spams my chatbox.

:P

I survived a math CT because of Lindley, today.

Brought my colourful formula sheet.
Green tea.
Gloves.
Blind-man shades.
Maths text book.

Alright, I'm set.


HOLY FUGGING COWDUNG!

I left my graphic calculator at home.

Graphic as in graphs...not graphic as in vividly descriptive.

This is where I'm thankful Lindley's in a science class. Different test schedule.




Gustave apologises for the lack of activity on blog.

Gustave is also sad to announce that the Taylor's Legal Showdown has prematurely come to an end due to reasons better unrevealed.


J8 46
L1 41
L4 36



"Aww. No sexxings for you."
-Hamster, Retarded Animal Babies.


Here's to sleepovers, binomial distributions, and rusty blogging fingers!

Cheers!