In other news...

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Flashed Before My Eyes.





Ever wonder if your life will flash before your eyes?


Cheers.

SAM results out on monday.

Tick. Tock.

Tick. Tock.

Tick.



Tick.



Tock.



I got word from Lindley. SAM results will be out online as of 6.30 a.m. South Australian time.

Good luck and good riddance.



Tick. Tock.

Tick.

Friday, December 12, 2008

42

The answer to life is 42.

It's true.

Vic and I dicked around for a whole day before the driving theory exam.

After 6 hours of waiting due to wonderful, magical, Malaysian gov efficiency,

we passed with the borderline 42.

=)

42 ftw!

Don't believe me?

Hah. When I was 7, I had a friend who was 6.

7 x 6 = ZOMG!! 42!!

In the left 4 dead marathon I pulled with Aiman, guess how many time we had to retry the same level?

No.

It was 21...

...but there were 2 of us. So 21 x 2..... 42!!

0 . 0

The mystery
My boredom continues.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Happy bday Mel!

Mel, mel, mel,
What the hell
Is there to tell?
Of this girl who rocks heaven and hell.


From turtle love to carbon tea
to The Purple Bananas
Melissa takes the lead
like a tyrannosaurus-


-Rex! Ha. Betcha I made you wonder,
How will he rhyme this, you ponder.

Betcha need more green tea,
To keep up with Mel for a day.
We'll always have free coffee,
Thanks Mel and Happy Birthday!

I Can't Stop Loving You.





Ever wonder if your life will flash before your eyes?


Cheers.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Om nom nom.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KIM!!

=D


Cheers Aiman, Shanti, Syed, Kim and Vic.

You guys are so on my "I'd go to hell and back with nothing more than a shotgun, dual magnums, an electric guitar, and a flask of green tea for you guys" list.


Because everyone else hates green tea.

XD

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Taylor's Advertisement lol ------------------------>

It might be there, it might not.

Taylor's college is finally embracing and harnessing one of the greatest renewable Malaysian resource of all time: Teenager blogs.

Rhyme Time

(Damn)

Why?

There's a time to wank, and a time to rhyme.
Although these words don't make a dime,
The pen is mightier than the sword,
The rhyme is bouncier than a Ford.

Melbourne will be the second coming,
of the Guitar God Clapton.
But alas the journey's undeciding,
The ticket's unbooked, there's still Brandon.

Word on the street, someone wants a foursome,
Lampard, Crawford, and Gregory.
Although it sounds really awesome,
Who will be the striker and who the goalie?


Bum-zaka-Bum-zaka-Bum-zaka...yeah...it's a beat...ungh. Check it out yo. XD

Back from Aussie, I Might Go Crazy

...and I made it just in time

To bust a rhyme

Vic and Kim, how're ya'?

Gustave's back from Australia!





Vic tries to dissuade with "Really, Gus? Really?"

Though there's no stopping the mojo already.

From sonnets to rap, to abab,

Marvin's ding-dong streches from a to z.

(Look at your keyboard.)





But, enough with the random verbal barrage,

Meant to break through my blogger's block.

Now I know Aussie's no mere mirage,

Zebra-crossings work...like what the fock?!




Kimmy, Vic, don't leave me behind,

To Melbourne we go together,

Where the waves are cool and the sand is fine,

Hey, half the time we'll be sober.




My eyes are tired, my brain is fried,

And my skin is sun-roasted.

I say a prayer for the cells that died

And that skin cancer I have not contracted.





Melbourne, Melbourne, Melbourne... Loo,

Off to VTAC, on the phone!

Pack my bags and Iris too,

So Kim will never sing alone.




Vic, don't you dare go off to Singapore,

Coz God is coming, and so will you.

Before this poem becomes a bore...

Oh crap, I just realised how wrong that sounded...whoo-hoo!




Fine, I know that last line,

Granted, I may have cheated.

Hey, I just wanna say,

Alright, let's party tonight.




This little parade must come to an end,

As through each stanza I stumble with rhyme.

Nadal nor Lampard will I pretend,

For ball smacking deserves not my time.




And it goes on and on and on again!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Die SAM, DIE!

I am drunk.

Coca-cola, rum, and vodka. Thanks and happy birthday, kah yang.

:)

It was my first time clubbing and last time with my rag-tag class of L1.

As I am not functioning at maximum mental capacity, I will take this opportunity to be honest. I have an excuse. Heh.

So here it is: Gustave's SAM experience 2008.

I came in L1 2 weeks late. Did over-zealously well in the start. Slacked about a month into the programme.

HAHAHAHA!!! I was actually aiming for Taylor's 99.95 TER scholarship.

XD

...

(Pause for laughter)

...

Whoa...Sydney... O_O.

Ms.Doh totally reminds me of my math teacher in Sri Sentosa...Ms. Ho.

*sniff* Ms. Ho dieded in 2005. :(

I did not fit in L1 at all at the start of the year. Being loud, hyper, and over-reactive...like a nuclear powered boombox, I naturally generated stares and awkward silences around the class.

Heh. I was tolerated. :)

And then there was the whole Jia Sheen episode of Valentine's Day...XD ...Jia Sheen if you are reading this, just know that I truly admire you for your beauty, brains, and heart.

...Plus you kinda sorta somehow maybe i dunno...remind me of Missy Peregrym...lol...google her.


This put me in an awkward position, never really fitting in any particular group in L1.

...but ZOMG Wai Hung, Jian Rong, Jason, Kah Ynag and CY play DotA!!

First I hung out with Ian a lot.

Then I kinda got bored and got a leeeeeeetle bit XP tired of the word "intense".

(Remember, I read CY's blog before this...and I'm high, so I'm doing a CY and telling it as it is. wheeeeee.)

I met Vic and Kim. Got along better with the sunshine emitting Kim.

Got along with Vic coz we were the only 2 laughing like maniacs over The Bumper Book of Bunny Suicides.

Angel and Shin Yi were like: "WTF?! You PAID for that book?!"

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Then the glorious 2008 SEA Forensics gave me reason to live on while I skipped two days of college...much to Ian and Carmen's disappointment coz of a Econs project. XD I'm sorry...


...BUT IT'S FREAKING FORENSICS!! :D


Then Vic, Mandeep and Cath and...pfft...anthony and I did the whole drama thing for weeks.

Only to have it cancelled. Fark.

Was close to Cath before, not so much after. Ah well.

Then came the Anthony/Ricky period. It was fun.

Fun being inhaling second-hand smoke and drinking shiiiit-cha (iced chinese tea) at AC every recess. Muahahaha! Green Tea protects me from cancer!

Then Lianne joined Taylor's, and I met Sarah and Qirby through her.



I seriously thought....OOOH. It's raining now. :D

...that Qirby was a bimbo. Heh. Sorry Qirbs! XD

But I got to know her better and turns out she's kinda...um...deep.
...no, not in that way.

But I was neglecting Vic and Kim. Sowwwwwryyy.

Then at the start of the second term, I stuck with Vic and Kim.

Mostly Vic.

This lead to people going "WHooooooooooo!!" or "So...um...er...are you and vic like..."

RAWR!! NO.

hI admit. I was reluctant to hang out with CY, Wai Hung, and Wai Ping AKA Kukumalu...at first. I wanted a break from the Chinesy-ish-shy way of LAIF!

But hey.

Born chinese, live chinese, die chinese. XD

I luv you guys.

...CY...not so much. CY sweats a lot.

:P

So anyhoo, Vic and I hosted SAM Idol...and we were immortalised as the smiling ding-dongs we are and love to be.

Met Mei Ling, Caryn,

OOH! Jia Sheen got her JPA scholarship thingy. That means she has 1 1/2 years to finish off 1 quarter of the syllabus. ZOMG JIA SHEEN IMBA FTW!!1


So anyhooooooo... Vic and I started hanging and eating Roti-milo and sperm at AC.

*Sperm being the shaven-ice dessert with tadpole-shaped jelly bits.


Met Sam, Chia Chern AKA Bouncer, Clarissa, Jack Jack (MONDAY IS MARKET DAY!!!), and Smriti (SEA Forensics is the 3 days I plan my year around) around then.

Lol. Good times.

Then I did some actual studying for 2 months.


TRIALS MOTHA-LOVERS! :(



MOOT COURT FATHER-HATERS! :)


Kandes and I successfully defended an *innocent* man from the charge of rape.

They found his semen inside her.

They found vaginal bruising.

They found scratches.

They had a neighbour who heard screaming.

The victim says he did it.



...we the jury, have reached a majority...

YES! Majority...we win!


...decision of not guilty.

:) I are asshole.

Anyhoo, the 2 days of moot court was honestly the best 2 days, the climax, the holy-cum-all pinnacle of SAM.

I waited for it.

Then finals. But not before everyone started teasing me for the line I used...

..."So, is it true that you gave her flowers on her birthday AND on Valentine's Day?"

"So you were just being friendly?"

"Yeah, I'd give a girl flowers on Valentine's Day because I'm being "friendly" too."


XD

The case was won but the price was heavy.

Ms. Melbourne Loo is a fictional character who may or may not have been inspired by a possible Taylor's lecturer.

MORTALS! TREMBLE IN FEAR AT THE SIGHT OF MS. MELBOURNE BOOBS! RAWR!!

(.Y.)
Tig ol' Bitties!

Anyhoo. I got closer to CY, Wai Ping...my kukumalu who loves Boston Legal too... and Wai Hung... who'd make Aiman jealous.

Met Mel, who fucking blows my mind and ears with her violin. :)

I put her under my contacts as "Mel Violin". Many Mels, you see.

Finals came.

All over me like condensed milk.

PROM, BABY!

Heard Jia Sheen was not going but then WHOA! Jumping carrot cakes! She shows up.

:)

I'm not complaining.

Lemme tell you something bout prom.

Proms reveal the unpolished gems. The hidden bombshells.

I took a look at Tze Nee...oh there's Tze Nee...wait...who's that hawt chick next to her...wait...NO WAY. haha...no way...

...Ai Lin?!

O_O

Except that my non-sepet eyes go much bigger.

Ms. Sydney looked pretty much the same tho.

Ms. Doh wore freaking heels!

O_O

I swear if my eyes got any bigger I could star in my own Disney cartoon.

Disney Asia, anyway.

I was chosen to co-host prom with Sam, from Sam, by Sam.

But.

I gave up emcee post.

One awesome word:

DIARRHOEA.

But on the brightside, I got to spend so much more time with my...eventually grown to be loved L1.

Awww... =)

I'm gonna miss you guys.

I think I kinda sorta maybe finally fit in L1 somewhere in the middle of SAM.

OH! And then L1 lead the whole SAM onto the dance floor.

AND ash quek and shin yi started a train.

L1 FTW!!1

OOOH! And they played the song Tom Cruise danced to in Tropic Thunder. I jumped up on stage alone at one point and, although generated some cheers, demonstrated first-hand the long-term effects of drinking Green Tea twice daily for a year.



Ok...that's not the song...the song the first time he dances, but that's essentially what I tried to do. =)

Oh, and Mr.Kevin stripped to his shorts and danced to "Dancing King".

That was with Ms. Rajani during the lecturer's performance.

Mr. Kevin freaking rocks...my socks...in his box...like a...fox...yeah.

Wai Hung: "Ms. Doh! Prom queen nominations why you din go up on stage?"

XD

The guys tried to screw me by over-dosing my food and drink with soy-sauce and chili.

Hah.

Funny, huh? Wai Hung, Ah Yi?

Hahaha.

Haha.

Ha.

...

Eat my pubes.

Then I had my first clubbing experience with Rhey Kee, Wai Hung, Kukumalu, Jian Rong, Kah Yang, Jason, Ash Quek, Shin Yi (who btw looked beautiful, she had the best dress. Honest.), Jia Sheen, and some others who I was too crazed to notice.

After the boozing, highly-unorthodox dancing, and my failed attempt to hug Jia Sheen. XD Heh. Sorry bout that.

My trance like experience was cut-short by Jonathan calling and saying we gotta ciao at 12.30.

:(((((((((((((((((((

My lips grow their own lips which have multiple layers of sagging skin.

SAM 2008 felt short sweet, and intense.

The ups and downs came and went quickly but hard.

Thinking back. I honestly would have it no other way. I am glad to have fought through and survived SAM with the cool-assorted-jellybeans pack of L1.

Although it's a shame the mudderfuggers who made the prom video did not include L1's video.

...I will hunt you down. And make you watch High School Musical 3 until you beg for the sweet release of death. By sweaty basketballs jerseys and papercuts.

:)

Wai Hung, I hope you succeed in improving your english by leaps and bounds and whips and hounds in the one year before you head off to law school.

Although...*sniff*...


Ooh-hoo-hoo!! I'm gonna miss the way you grab my ass...



...I'm not sure if I can keep the promise of seeing you in court one day.




To the rest of you SAMsters,

Rock on, rock hard.

Do NOT think of genitals.



I'm glad that I had the pleasure of crossing paths with you guys in SAM. I'll treasure the memories and unique experiences I had with each of you.


I am sober.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Left2Die4Dead69

It is 4.31 a.m.

My heartbeat is finally going back down to normal.

I realise how much more useful I am with a shotgun than an uzi.



Unfortunately, I didn't get the black guy. :(

I got the muscular guy with tattoos on his sexay arm! :)







Marvin got black guy...with Uzi. Heh. Cliche.


I was tempted to leave Marvin 2 die...especially after he shot a car...setting off the alarm and sending a horde of zombies charging towards very much like the equivalent of 2 classes of angry secondary school kids. Marvin has a knack for friendly firing me. I gladly return the favour.

My excuse: "Hey, I turned and saw a black guy running towards me, of course I shoot!!"

"If a black guy and a zombie charged towards me...TAKE OUT THE BLACK GUY!"

XD

However, his skills with automatic weapons and constant watch for Hunter or Smoker zombies makes him one of the 3 people I'd like to have by my side when a zombie apocalypse inevitably breaks out. The chick will probably be Vic.


...Or Missy Peregrym.



Plus...he was the first to whisper-scream: "Flashes off! There's a witch nearby!"






"What's so scary? She's just some skinny old lady, right?"
-Gus...before he startled the witch.



Left 4 Dead succeeds on so many levels.

As a First Person Shooter.

As a multiplayer co-op.

And as a zombie survival.



I knew I was having the time of my life when I started yelling at Deagle for trying to take a closer look at the witch. (Bad, BAD idea)

Immersion. It felt like the real thing. Or at least a Hollywood movie scene...with a shrill choir and creepy piano soundtrack announcing the arrival of a big, bad, mofo...or the presence of a deadly witch which the survivors would much rather avoid...or the colossal swarm of zombies about to spill out the alleys and buildings around you.

The demo was worth every minute of the 13-hour-via-wonderful-Streamyx download.

Seriously. Aiman. Vic.

...and Kim.

Buy Left4Dead. If not for the gaming experience, at least for the Hollywood experience.


Cheers!





The Left4Dead demo. (Until 17 November...HURRY!)
Pre-order Left4Dead. (Release on 18 November)





"Fat fuck! I hear a fat fuck! Shoot him before he pukes on you!"

"Guys, is that a crying survivor I hear?"
"No, it's a witch. SHHHH."

"Thanks for that Gus, thanks a lot. A shotgun shell right in my face."

"Hey, I can see Russia from my house!"

Left 4 Dead

Nothing to do with the final exams.

Nothing to do with SAM.

One more subject to go: Accounting studies.

The public Left4Dead demo is available as of 12 November 2 a.m. Singapore time.

This translates to 12 November 3 p.m. Malaysia time because it takes more than 12 hours to download it with our fantasticle internet.


It has been 12 hours since I began downloading the demo.

10.30 a.m: Ready to play in approximately 6 hours 30 minutes.

12 p.m.: Ready to play in approximately 5 hours.

8 p.m: Ready to play in approximately 2 hours.

10 p.m: Ready to play in approximately 1 hour 40 minutes.

10.30 p.m: Ready to play in approximately 1 hour 41 minutes.




Incredible. A big, overweight, low-density-cholesterol dripping, deep fried round of applause to streamyx.

Deagle took "about an hour" to download it.

Jin took half an hour.

Deagle and Jin are both Lionporeans.



It's currently at 91%, meaning zombies can relax and have zombie orgies for another 9% before i start tearing them up some new zassholes.

That's zombie assholes.

Ha-ha!


Although...they are not really zombies...they run...fast zombies are a MYTH...besides...they punch and kick...they even feel pain...more like rabid...or maybe...they just had a little too much coffee...or perhaps...

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Tagged, bagged, and sagged.

1. What's the color of your shirt?

Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this
Nervous-The middle east
Worried-That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other-That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - Anew life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine
Cider- A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

13. What is your favorite activities when hanging out with mates?
Gathering for drinks - Ugly pig
Foosball - Silly duck
Shopping - French kisser
Dulging for food - Cranky banana
Movies - Smelly armpits
Snacks - Horny wolf
Snooker - Tiny nipples
Bowling - Sexy grandmother
Outdoor activities - Vain pot
Having a long talk - Nose plucker
Taking pictures - Dumb bitch
Other - Burn yourself



Dear Nabilah,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over.I think I realized it when we skinny dipped at the mental hospital and I saw you sit on my John F. Kennedy statue. I'm sure you're frostbitten enough to understand the middle east. I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep my virginity as a memory. You should also know that I told today in my confession about ruining the second world war. Go burn.

With Love;
Gustave

P/S: You are so lifeless, the penise, Denise.






Fill in the blanks by answering the questions provided below.
Retype your 'mock letter' at the end of the post.

Dear (the last person who left a comment on your blog).I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___.I think I realized it when ___2______3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.___12___.

With Love;
-Your name-

P/S: You are so lifeless, ___13___, -The name of the person that tagged you-.





Whoa. Where did "penise" come from?

O_O

I guess we'll never know...*ahem* Mark *ahem*...

3 down

2 moar to go.

I've neglected my blog since SAM finals. :(



But here's a lil something I came up with while kneeling by my bedside on the eve of Finals.



What The Sam?

11 months we prepared,
and yet here we stand scared.

Countless sleepless nights
and many sleepy days.
Happiness and health be
the price we pay.

I'm glad to have fought by your side,
I'm glad that from Sydney we sometimes hide.
With no more bittersweet time,
and no more word to rhyme.

At 7 a.m. I stand proudly,
knowing that Kim and Vic will sing loudly,
as we drive in the nails with a final WHAM.
Remember that you survived the nightmare SAM.






Cept in the original sms, i added "The LORD is my shepherd!!" in front.

:)



Im'ma have a lil flashback pondering moment thing now...


...psychology is full...

...oh man...accounting studies...

...hmm 99.95 TER Full scholarship to anywhere...

...here we go...

...CY lol...

...O_O Sydney...

...Ian and Ashley...

...Jia Sheen lawyer lawl...

...so i take the notes and photocopy them?...

...thx Syaireen...

...damn, I can't remember names well...Wai...Hung?

...or Pin?

...Legal Studies FTW!...

...DotA Jian Rong Jason Kah Yang...

...AC has everything...

...Imma join 11 clubs...drama...swimming...anime...

...argh...taking the bus sucks major hairy balls...

......



...SAM FINALS! Holy Jumping Jacks!


Flashback interrupted. Moment is gone. Will continue some other time. Economics.

Windex

Watch.






Ah. I love starting the morning with this! =D

By the Duncan Bros.





Yet another, socially acceptable(pfffft XD), Windex commercial.




Boink.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween! Although the true horror begins 3rd November 2008, 7 a.m.



Halloween: Waverly Films style









Blood Curse: Curse of The Blood Curse
Episode 1- Blood Curses








"The LORRRRRD is my SHEPHERD!"

The Duncan Bros are one of the best, unbelievably unrated filmakers on youtube. Subscribe to them.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Eye of the Storm

It's official, ladies and gentlemen, SAMsters of all ages!


Our last day of SAM has come to an end,

With clicks and flashes and cheese and bangs,
we put on smiles and thrust our wangs,
V-shaped fingers fill the air,
bunny ears pop up on Sydney's hair,

With 95% confidence, and CAD too,
The class goes wild, screaming like fools,
"Remember your spare batteries!" says Ms. Doh.
While smiling proudly, stands Mrs. Soh,

Ms. Rajani sighs with tired eyes,
With a smile and a wave she says her goodbyes.
L1 bodyguards escort The Wendy Loo,
As she eats an ice-cream that looks like moo-moo.

Peppercorn is filled with cries of "Jia Sheen!"
The way CY eats, nobody has ever seen.
Econs: Full attendance, Kah Yang too,
But wait, where is Melbourne Loo?

Goodbye SAM, goodbye my friends,
Goodbye D18, and that broken projector screen.
It's 3 p.m now, just when we had enough,
Someone walks in, and finally there is Good Stuff.

Many sleepless nights, even more sleepy days,
Let those memories never fade away.
SAM has expanded our vocabularies,
Dep-preciation, air-rors, and aborigin-knees.

D-11, forget about it.
A-19, that's more like it!
So little to do, yet so much to say.
Less talking, more actus rea.

With clicks and flashes and cheese and bangs,
we put on smiles and thrust our wangs,
My fellow SAMsters, the final test is near,
Prepare yourselves, the eye of the storm is here.

-Gustave Oon, 2008 SAMster

Dedicated to L1 (Elite class) and all my fellow SAMsters out there. Please get lower TERs so my grades will be moderated up. Cheers, Kim and Vic!




Study hard. Study smart. 1 more week to go.

Cheers! =D

Yes.

Yes.

YES.

YES!!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes.

Yes, yes?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Hai.



Yes.

Yup.

Yuppidy-yoohoo.

Yuppidy-yoohoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

Yee-haw.



Yes.

Monday, October 20, 2008

No.

No. No. No. No. No!

NO!

No.

No.

No, no, no.

No. No. No.

Argh!

NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!

No.

...

No.

...

No.

...


...no wait...



...what if...



...maybe it's a...





...NO!



Holy noness of no.

No.

No way.

Way no.


Nonononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono.

NO.


NO.


No.

No.

no.

no...

In thy no-dly name we pray, ramen.

No, no, no, no, no.

Hell No!


*All the Small Things*

...No it ain't so, I will not no, turn the no out, carry me no...



*Only One*

Here I no... no my lungs out...just to let you no...you are my only no...

...I let no...so dishonestly...so leave a no...and you will find noone...



*Mr. Brightside*

I never.....I never.....I NE-ver.....I never.....no......





No...no...no...no...

Not a chance in not.

No chance in no.

No.

Just...

NO.



How did...

...but maybe if...



...No.


No.




Oh, no.

Oh, no, Oh, no, Oh, no, Oh, no.

No, Oh.





.......no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

.......no.




No.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Green-T-Goodstuff

On my epic journey and search for matter with trace amounts of Green Tea in them, I give you The Green-T-Goodstuff.

I will encounter products with green tea in them every now and then, and being the green tea freak that I am, will rate them of their worthiness of Green Tea.


6 Green Tea Leaves will be used to rank the product in terms of:

-Colour
-Smell
-Taste
-Effectiveness of product
-Value
-Overall Green-Teaness



Products and shizzle (word to take the place of any noun) range from food to stationery to hygiene products.


This week's item up for Greening is:




Dentyne's Green Tea Mint Flavoured Chewing Gum.




I first came across this chewing gum in a 7-11 near Taylor's college Subang. Vic stopped me from buying it by dragging me out the door. Her strength to ...size ratio caught me off guard. I finally bought it a few days ago at Jusco.

Om! Nom. Nom. Nom.


First thing I noticed was the colour- a bit too dark and blue-ish, but it's still friggin green. Unlike certain "green" teas.

Popped it into my mouth and HOLY BERZONKERS!!1

They've found a way to solidify green tea into a chewable long-lasting form!

I noticed something strange after chewing it for about 10 minutes though. My mouth started to itch really badly.

Like.
Just-wanna-stick-your-fingers-in-there-and-scratch-your-tongue-and-gums.
Itchy.

"NO! I finally found green tea gum and I'm allergic to the damn thing!"

I'll never figure out why I didn't spit the gum out right then.

After a few more, I realised that I was subconciously trying to squeeze out every molecule of Green Tea goodness with my tongue after the flavour is reduced exponentially by 10 minutes of rigorous chewing.

Wasn't the gum's fault after all.'

RM1.10 for 10 pieces? Worth every outdated one sen.

I fell asleep while chewing this gum once.

Ok. Twice.

It lasted a good 6 hours before it started dissolving and waking me up.

That's some good gum.

And it apparantly helps whiten your teeth.



Smell-wise, I'm having a hard time removing the stuck gum from my nose hairs. I do NOT recommend snorting this product.



Colour
GGGGG

Smell
GG

Taste
GGGGG

Effectiveness of product
GGGGGG

Value
GGGGGG

Overall Green-Teaness
GGGGG

If you ever have to buy a pack of gum that whitens your teeth and greens up your day.

Go Dentyne.
Go Green Tea.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Vice Prez Debate: Biden VS Palin in 10 mins

Maverick.

I just watched clips of the Vice Presidential Debate on youtube.

Sarah Palin.

Stupid.

Like, stoopid.

Maverick!!

But, hey! She's got action figures dressed in school uniform!

Maverick!

And she is totally a VPILF.

What's a VPILF?


Well, it means Vice-president I'd Love to ...

...in other news!


Sxephil : Sarah Palin is a VPILF




Subscribe to Phil! He's aw-weeeeeeeee-some!






So anyhoo...

Maverick!

Here's a clip I found for those of you with 10 minutes to spare:





Biden VS Palin in 10 easy minutes









Maverick.


By the way, the Green-T-Meter will be coming to a blog near you soon!

Tell a friend.


P.S. I met someone in TF2 with the name AuR*GreenTeaRox!


:)

Kampai!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Constipation

:( No updates for a while.

Creative juices and solids not flowing.

Gotta go on overdrive study mode for the next month for SAM finals.

Oh boy.

I need to take a dump really badly now.



BRB



Back.

Aiman is nice peoples.

Vic is nice peoples.

Kim is nice...busy peoples. :P



In the meantime, have fun:


We sing the forest electric, by Grickle.









Humans are assholes.

Beaver bootay-shaking action, baby!

:)

Cheers!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Hey oh, peoples.

When life, SAM, and trials maketh thy world gray and emo,

Know that feeling better means visiting blog of Gustavo.

From music, to green tea, to what some consider porno,

Enjoy this Red Hot Chili Pepper of Snow (Hey oh).









Snow (Hey oh)













2.23 - 2.33, best 10 seconds


Kim oh... :P

Sunday, September 21, 2008

The Umbrella Dance

In celebration of life's climaxes and hangovers, good times and bad times, but mostly the shit times, and the ever-elusive, fading, Mission Hollywood, Gustave the fallen actor presents:







The Umbrella Dance















Because life makes no fucking sense! =P

Cheers!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Mr. Brightside: A Cappella

Ensure that the next 4 minutes will be uninterrupted.










I was watching this with Spike.


He cried.





So. So beautiful.

Cheers!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Green VS Yellow

Reasons to live:

1. Spike and Robin.

2. TF2

3. Aiman and I turn 18 very soon.

4. I have yet to sing The Lindley Song.

5. Must watch School of Scoundrels with Vic.

6. Kim bakes uber cakes.
(Yes, it's pronounced 'oo-ber'.)

7.
Mission Hollywood.

8. Have not told her how I feel.

9. Green tea shampoo.

10. SAM ends soon.





Reasons to..."permanently abstain from Green tea." =(

1. Sound sleep has abandoned me to the cold, dark, silence of the night, leaving me to open my eyes to the sight of eyebags and the curse of backache.

2. I are emo.

3. Vic and Kim hate spirulina, aloe vera...and probably Green tea.

4. Moi pronounces 'uber' as 'you-ber'.

(Holy jumping fucking shitballs! Someone just HAD to fucking do it! I predicted that it'll be some tard from China. However, it turned out to be the same guy who pronounces 'Einstein' as 'Anal-stain'. YES. It is true.)

5. SAM ends soon.




Alrighty.

Green
outnumbers Yellow

2 to 1.

Yes. I changed the colour of my font.

Heh.

I will continue to..."Drink Green tea".


Cheers!







Justin is my new Aiman! XD

OMFGusWTFBBQROFL!

Spike and Robin: Day 3

Spike remains undaunted and determined in his efforts to mount Robin.

I just realized after roughing it out with Robin that my head could very well fit a quarter way into his jaws.

0_0

Robin recognises me now. Very afraid of relatives though.

Cynthia kor-kor tried to touch him. He jumped up and sprang away.


"WHOA, MAN! This shit's just gotten TOO real! I'm outta here!"



Cheers!

Monday, September 8, 2008

Spike and Robin: Day 2

Day 2.

Robin conveniently dug into Spike's food, prompting a realising Spike to leap at him, barking.

Robin has gotten skinnier. Hence, his food supply was increased 3 fold.

Spike remains jealous and dominant. Tempers rise.

Spike's little wound has begun healing.

Robin still didn't recognise me when I got back home today.

Spike repeatedly attempts to hump Robin.

Robin does not take kindly to Spike's repeated failed attempts at sodomising him.

Dad laughs.

Spike continues playing the Alpha Male game by constantly following and blocking Robin.

Robin shits in garden.

Shit bigger than my fists.

Combined.

Dad laughs.

Dad mashes banana into Robin's food to increase intake of vitamin C and fibre.

Gus back on Green Tea.

Gus, Spike, and Robin am happiest.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

GTA: Week 1

Game over.











I'm back in business.








Hmm...sure would be nice if THIS or this or this or that appears in my mail out of the green...i mean blue.


Seriously. If I see it in the arms of a postman asking me to sign an acceptance form...



I will soil my underwear.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Big Black Smelly Dog.

Adopted a big, black, smelly, Labrador Retriever today.


Not to come off as racist...


...he's very huggable and friendly too.


His name is Robin. Big, black, Robin.


Dad and Hans picked em.




Dad, thinks he may be too friendly to strangers.


Hans, thinks he stinks.


Mum, is afraid to extend hand to within 2 feet of Robin.


Grandma, doesn't like him because he's black!

(I'm serious! XD She actually said it. Black not good. Brings misfortune.)


Spike, is very jealous. He actually attacked Robin by going for his neck.


Robin ran and ran and ran.

Spike must be really lucky.

Or really intimidating.

Must be too much exposure to Gustave.




I, think he's a dog.


I like dogs.


:)





sxephil's Top 3 My Dick So Big jokes:


1. My dick so big, McDonald's fries now come in 4 sizes; small, medium, large, and My Dick.


2. Einstein's theory of general relativity didn't work until he remembered to account for the mass of My Dick.


3. My dick so big, Paramount Pictures bought the rights to the next Godzilla movie, titled Godzilla VS My Dick.


*Spoiler alert!*


My dick wins.

GTA: Day 6

Argh.


Is bad day.


Must have Mint Green Tea.


Oh...

Thursday, September 4, 2008

GTA: Day 4

Day 4.









...or 5.


Not sure.


Green tea is everywhere...


Heh.


Hehe.


Hee-hee! Ha ha!














Green tea fever.


Green tea withdrawal.


Green Teaddiction.








Someone's birthday is coming up.


*HINT*

*HINT*

*HINT*




Holy Shitake Mushrooms!









The sky turns greener everyday...


...tra-la-la-la-la-la.


http://GreenTeaddiction.blogspot.com

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

GTA : Day 3

Could not post picture of day 3.

Too tired to pose.

So.

So weak.

Had to drink a 325 ml can of Lipton's green tea flavoured drink to survive.

Going to bed earlier.

Waking up later.

Math equations moving through brain at only 60% efficiency.

Bowel movement at 70% efficiency.

Reminds me of that time when I puasa-ed for half a day.

Except, it's been 3 days without green tea.

I'm seeing green tea in everything, everywhere.

Doesn't help that I'm writing a personal reflection as a psychotic pyromaniac fueled by vengeance and thirsting for the blood of those who sentenced her family to a fiery death and those who legally defended them, only so that she might relive the moment where she watched helplessly as her family's screams and consumed by the flames which she loves so dearly.

Doesn't help that I had one nice hour of sleep today because of Econs presentation preparation procrastination predicament.

Ungh, bitches.



Pizza FTW!



Can't remember the last time I slept before 10.

Or even midnight.


On hindsight.

I should've taken bets before I started Green Tea Withdrawal.


Fuck.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

GTA: Green Tea Addiction

01-09-2008, 9:37 :

Couldn't find any sachet of Green Tea in the kitchen. Must have ran out.

Ah well.

Day One.









02-09-2008, 23:56 :

The rumours are true.

It's been two days since I last had Green Tea.



Day Two.





Days grow shorter and nights grow longer.


That sounds like a verse from The Acoustic Song.


I'm beginning to notice how green everything around me is.

Must resist temptation to rip open emergency supply of Green Tea sachets.

Only if the headaches and nausea become unbearable.

My TF2 sniping skills have deteriorated sharply. I missed a heavy 3 times today.

Did I just hear my notebook speak?

Nah. Must be my imagination.

Oh...how green it is.

Mmm...

Must NOT boil notebook.



Must finish economics presentation.

GDP, HDI, mortality rates, literacy rates...





Argh.

Diarrhoea.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Thought For Food

Here are some thoughts I would gladly trade in for a subway sandwich:


"Stick it in him, Aiman!"
-Vic



What's the Malay word for Sodomy?

Sudoku.



"Only two things are infinite- the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not so sure about the universe."
-Albert Einstein



"You are the worm in my stomach."
-Sydney (to Jian Rong)

(I can think of several things that look like worms.)




By only looking at the face of a person in a picture, how can you tell if he's about to sneeze or orgasm?




Boys like girls, but girls like men.





Nom! Nom! Nom!

Cheers!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Assholes.

There are good days.

There are bad days.

There are Green Tea days.

But mostly, there are shit days.


Shit days are caused by being in close proximity with assholes.

The smelly, annoying, pulsating kind.


Personally, I go through life tolerating assholes.

Sometimes.


I'm not surrounded by them.

But the thought of having to breathe in what they breathe out deeply disturbs me on many levels.

Don't you get that sometimes?



Assholes have totally ruined air for me.

...and the Joker's "Why so serious" line.



I think there should be a socially acceptable way of informing someone of his or her Anality.

How about giving them a folded three-piece of toilet paper?

Maybe a four or five-piece if the guy's a really big asshole.

Personally, my buttwipes are three-pieced.


"Hey man, see ya later..."

"Alright man, see ya, man..."

"Yeah...oh wait..."

"Yeah...whassup?"

"One more thing...here you go..."

"Woah...what's tha...? Oh...Oh. I see."

"Yeah...you know how it rolls, dawg..."

"Yeah, man. It's cool..."


Expect to see it in a cinema near you.



Stock up on toilet paper! 3 assholes are born every minute!

Every 30 seconds, a child dies of second-hand asshole exposure.

Studies have shown that assholes are the leading cause of anal cancer.

Don't do assholes! Just say NO!



Meet the assholes:

The annoying asshole.
Annoys. Sometimes by talking too much about too little.

The selfish asshole.
Only thinks of self. Takes self-preservation too far. Makes life difficult for others to save 5 minutes of own time.

The smelly asshole.
No pun intended. Has the personal hygiene of a...a...an asshole. Stinks. Does not care about health and wellbeing of surrounding people. Has never heard of deodorant. A subclass of the selfish asshole.

The obnoxious asshole.
Thinks he's really fucking funny. Too much. Too loud. Too cool.

The sucker-up asshole.
Sucks up excessively. Think over-enthusiastic blowjob, without the blowjob. Will even resort to backstabbing and dirty tactics to get what they want.

The shallow asshole.
Has the depth of a well dressed, decorated, perfume-reeking puddle. Thinks looking pretty or macho and owning a handbag and bling-bling are basic human rights.

The lazy asshole.
Does not want to do anything that involves more than existing. May even ask others to do work. Like asking another for a buttwipe.

The over-achieving asshole.
Complains that marks are limited to 100%. Threatens suicide for a week because of a 99.975 result on a Moral Studies quiz.

The two-faced asshole.
Manipulative. Considers backstabbing and gossiping a full-time job. Snipes people from cover. Usually cowardly. Try not to imagine what a two-faced asshole looks like.

The insensitive asshole.
Has the social skills of a baboon on weed. Which makes no sense at all. Cares not about the situation or the feelings of others.

The arrogant asshole.
A combination of the insensitive asshole and the selfish asshole. Does whatever regardless of the wellbeing of others. Endangers others at times. Also known as the Fuck Everything Asshole.

The bushole.
Includes 90% of all Malaysian bus drivers.

The asshole.
Exists.




Assholes come in all shapes and sizes. All smells and colours.

Assholes help us appreciate the rest of the world and everyone else who's not anal.

So, if, or rather...when, I tell you that you are not an asshole...it's a compliment.

It means I do not visualise setting your pubes ablaze and watching you burn to a Famous Anus cookie crisp.

And now you know why I carry lighters around.



Here's to all the assholes in the world who deserve a pencil in the eye!

Cheers!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Denise Lavigne

Attention, forces of The Gustave.

This Saturday, 12 p.m, at Sunway Pyramid, you will be there, letting only Death stop you.

...unless it really, really, inconveniences you.



Denise is going to compete for the custom Fender guitar signed by Avril Lavigne, and you are going to make it happen.



No.

Denise did not promise sexual favours of any kind to Gustave.

Denise will be dressed all Lala-ish, Jap Pop, Avril Lavigne-ish, probably in pink and black.

(I just typed 'black'. It's the background.)



Winner will decided by audience cheer.

This means that you cheer ONLY, and EXCLUSIVELY, for Denise.

The Penise.

=P


The one with the mole. And guitar.




The one with the flower.





The one with the...nose. And smile.





Yes.

Gustave may feel more generous about his Baskin Bucks if you obey orders.



No.

Gustave is not a stalker.



...anymore.



Hey, hey. You, you.

Rock on! Rock hard, Denise!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Yes, No, Mmm, Uh.

1. You cannot say 'Yes' or 'No' or any variations.

2. You cannot hesitate and stall with 'Mmm' or 'Uh'.

3. You cannot repeat your answers.

4. You cannot ask questions.


If you were listening to Hitz.fm this morning at 8.20 a.m, you would have known that some dude named Gustave survived one minute against Rudy and Adam C.


Gustave won himself 300 Baskin Robins Bucks.


"Yay. I won. WOAH! I've been dreaming for this moment for many sleepless nights."


However, Gustave revealed, on national radio to the rest of Malaysia, that he is "a very naughty boy."


The sound clip will be uploaded soon.




Yes, yes. Of course you are Gustave's bestest fwends in the whole white wurld.

No, no. Gustave has not received his vouchers.

Mmm, Gustave has no idea when he will receive it.

Uh, Gustave may or may not be in a generous mood.



=)


JJ, Rudy, and Adam C are nice peoples.



The Hitz.fm morning crew, JJ and Rudy!!

92.9 FM in the Klang Valley!



Cheers!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Post 100.

This is the 100th post on TheNightWasDarkAndStuff.

Knowing Gustave, he has probably planned something awesomely, unbelievably, fuck-tacularly, mind-blowingly, holy-crap-I-wet-my-pants-ly, epic.

Gustave tends to do that everytime his hit counter hits another 1000.




Ladies and gentlemen, your support has compelled and fed Gustave's ego spirit and World Domination Army long enough for him to reach his 100th blog post.




Break out the old newspapers, your mind is about to be blown, because...








Gustave proudly, sincerely, epically presents:







...















...because we all know what that means.

:)





Hans...has turned 16.

Marvin...is still being a Marvin.

Kim...makes nice sandwiches.

Shanti...am t3h PfwnZ0rZ!!1

Syed...is awesome.

Vic...is nice peoples.

Spike...is nice doggies.

Tasha...taught me how to spell "epically".

Aiman...has forgotten about the internet.

Lindley...must sing.

Gustave...needs more sleep.



Rock fucking on,
Rock fucking hard.


Cheers!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Taylor gives back!

Taylor's had a charity drive today.


Gustave calls Hits.fm and gets slot for Yes,No, Mmm, Ah for tomorrow.


L1 sets-up Waffle and Rootbeer Float stall.

L1 is NOT ripping off A&W.

...although Carmen did wear an A&W T-shirt.

Purely coincidental.


Gustave puts on a waffle-suit designed and built by Ricky.

Gustave puts on his special shades.

"Waffles and rootbeer, only at The Web. Get a waffle TODAY!"

"Waffles are square and sexy! You know you want one!"

"Are you hungry or thirsty? We've got waffles and rootbeer t satisfy your every desire!"

"Waffles and rootbeer! Place your order here!"


Gustave gets funny looks from strangers and friends.

...ex-friends, probably.



Gustave gets his fortune told by Victoria and Ming.

Victoria the Devil says Gustave is a knight in his past.

Knights are good.

Batman is a knight.

A dark one.

Victoria says Gustave will be a King in the near future.

"King. Arrogant, vain, snobbish."

=(

Gustave quickly gets his fortune told by Ming the Angel.

Ming says Gustave is in a phase where he must listen to his heart and follow his passion while also doing things which may be unpleasant for the sake of improving his future.

Ming is nice peoples.

=)

Gustave dips his right ring finger into molten candle wax.

Vic laughed.

>=(




Gustave and Caryn fling and hurl water balloons at Mr. Kevin and Mei Ling.

Gustave laughs obscenely.




L1 soldout her stock of waffles and rootbeer!

L1 makes a 3-digit profit!

FTW!!1 W00t!!!



Gustave tries to pay RM10 for 6 balls to dunk Ian with at the Dunking Machine.

Gustave has been preparing and dreaming of this moment for a long time.

"Ian, I am coming for you!"

Ian gets dunked by Gustave.

Gustave is happy.

Gustave is prepared for dunking due to the unanimous vote of L1.

Gustave takes off shirt.

Girls go wild.

Guys go wild.

Wild goes wild.

Ian grabs a ball.

Gustave taunts Ian...something to do with throwing like a girl.

Jason grabs ball from Ian.

Gustave is scared.

Jason throws hard but misses.

Gustave laughs at Jason.

Jason walks towards machine and punches the trigger.

Gustave fall into the pool of water with his mouth open.

Jason is happy.

Jia Sheen cannot throw balls to save her life.

=P




Gustave is King today.

King of the Grand Wire Circuit.

Loop of wire...get through circuit without touching sides...you know.

Gustave got RM100, he can now pay off his debts to Jonathan and Stephanie.

Gustave celebrates by walking around with crown made from wire on his head.

Goh is Queen of Grand Wire Circuit.

Goh only lost by 0.08 seconds.

Goh offers Gustave candy from her prize of a big box of candy.

Gustave picks mentos.

Goh is nice peoples.



Ashley, Carmen, Ricky, Shin Yi, Ian and Gustave camwhore.

The multi-armed Kali.

...or Mask Rider.

Angel calls Gustave The Statue of Liberty.



Security guard does not allow Gustave to lay back on steps of KLCC park while reading book and gazing into the clear sky through Gustave's special shades.

Gustave, Hock Seng and Vic go to KLCC to watch DarkKnight.

Vic says Gustave would "make an awesome Joker!"

Gustave blushes.

And laughs maniacally.

Hock Seng walks Gustave around while Gustave wears his special shades like a blind man.

Hock Send walks Gustave into a piller.

Stranger in vicinity stare and give disapproving looks at Hock Seng and Vic who are snickering.

It was Gustave's twisted idea.

=)



Gustave realises that he missed his opportunity to dunk Ms. Doh.

Gustave is sad.




Peppermint ice-cream is awesome.
Molten candle wax is hot.
Security guards are turds in fluorescent vests.
Guppies are cute.

Cheers!

Monday, August 4, 2008

Rusty

Aight.

*cracks knuckles*

Here we go.


It's been a while, eh?

I'm gonna blog in first person more often now, requires less brain juice and time.


Speaking of rusty things, if you still smile occasionally instead of twitching psychotically while rocking back and forth in a dark room with flickering lights singing twisted lullabies, and dream about rainbows and unicorns and nymphomaniacs, then you have not watched Salad Fingers.

"The feeling of rusty spoons on my salad fingers is almost...orgasmic."

Salad Fingers -only on Newgrounds.
(Do NOT watch at 2 a.m while high on weed. Just a suggestion.)


Went for Sam's "Birthday" party last Saturday, THANK YOU Vic.

Yeah, Vic kinda sorta told me it was Sam's birthday.

You DID.

HAH.

Ah...no no no no no no...

Don't deny it.



Now Sam has a cool Chinese brush painting on her wall...hopefully well out of reach of the cats.

:| <---(Serious face)


Met an old MBS buddy from Lianne's getogether years ago.

He still remembers Retarded Animal Babies and Star Wars: Transitions.



Becca is nice peoples.

=)



Julie popped a pimple on my face during truth or dare.

>=(

She chose dare.

I suggested that she pop someone's pimple.

Everyone laughs for approximately 3 seconds before staring at my forehead.

"Come here, sayang!"

"NO-O-O-O-O...!"



Ooh, no automatic 6mm Air rifle this time. =(




It was fun until I got an SMS reminding me of the joys and wonder of SAM.

...and that I get no sleepover.

Hoo-rah.

Maths is fun.

:| <---(Sarcastic face)



I actually dreamt about maths yesterday.

Bloody hell.

Vic and Kim were in it.

A lot of hell broke loose but everything seemed to be in order and made sense because we were kinda determining the 95% confidence interval of surviving and stuff.

Everything fit into math questions.

"Determine with 95% confidence interval whether the mean weight of a box of chocolates is lower than 340 g..."

"Determine with 95% confidence interval whether we are all fucked when the radioactive meteor hits the petrol station we are standing in which is also surrounded by herds of farting cows."

And then I actually visualised the freaking...

"1.96 - blahblah < P < 1.96 + blahblah"

...formula



But strangely, I felt calm in the dream.

Disturbingly calm.

Because math actually made sense of the world.

For a moment there.

In that dream.

I felt a certain inner peace.

Much like the 15 seconds after one achieves an orgasm.






In other news, Ms. Sydney versus Ashley Chin.
Ms. Sydney took over after Ashley's introduction to 'gearing low' in accounts today. Heh, rusty gears.

"I know Ashley is just waiting to show off."
:P

Unfortunately/Fortunately, no catfights occurred.




This is a shoutout to the music loving hippy who spams my chatbox.

:P

I survived a math CT because of Lindley, today.

Brought my colourful formula sheet.
Green tea.
Gloves.
Blind-man shades.
Maths text book.

Alright, I'm set.


HOLY FUGGING COWDUNG!

I left my graphic calculator at home.

Graphic as in graphs...not graphic as in vividly descriptive.

This is where I'm thankful Lindley's in a science class. Different test schedule.




Gustave apologises for the lack of activity on blog.

Gustave is also sad to announce that the Taylor's Legal Showdown has prematurely come to an end due to reasons better unrevealed.


J8 46
L1 41
L4 36



"Aww. No sexxings for you."
-Hamster, Retarded Animal Babies.


Here's to sleepovers, binomial distributions, and rusty blogging fingers!

Cheers!

Friday, July 18, 2008

NispeNispeNispeNispeNispeNispe

Due to popular demand, and the fact that this blog apparently shows up on search engines when people search for porn, Gustave presents...



Nispe!




Go ahead.


Say Nispe over and over and over and over again.


In front of a family member, friend, or total stranger.


Until your eyes go wide and your cheeks cave in with realisation.





First thing's first.

Gustave apologises for providing misinformation.

A blue whales penis does not grow up to a maximum of 9 feet.

It grows up to a maximum of 8 feet.

Still taller than most humans.

Including CY.

Do NOT imagine a topless, sweaty CY hugging a whale's penis.


Oopsi.

Kinda makes you wonder how long someone could live off nothing but water and a blue whale's penis, eh?


Mmm. BBQ.

=)

Yes, Gustave is aware that that's an orca in the picture, not a blue whale.

Measurements of blue whale's penis may not be accurate as the erect length can only be observed during intercourse.






However, rest assured, men who are insecure about the size of thy ding-dong, humans have the LARGEST penis of all primates, in absolute terms as well as relative to body size!


Yee-Haw!


GWAHAHAHAHA!



Oh noes!

Hmph.


Feel free to reward yourself for a moment.



Ok.

Minute over.



Although a gorilla is larger than a human, its penis has a maximum length of 4 cm, while a humans are blessed with 9 inches or more.



Gustave knows this due to hours of research and not personal experience, of course.

A chimpanzee, although much smaller than a gorilla, has a penis twice as long as a gorilla's.





Furthermore, to add steam to...steam, a blue whale's penis, although towering over NBA basketball players, is proportionally smaller than a human's penis.

A Blue whale can grow up to 34 meters, with a 9 foot penis.

That is equivalent to a 1.8m human with a 10 cm penis.

Sad.




Anyhoo.


Penises aside.


Meet the common shrew.




The common shrew has to consume up to 80-90% of its body weight to survive everyday.


The common shrew has poor eyesight and relies on its acute hearing and smell to locate prey up to 12 cm deep underground.


The common shrew has a penis length of 0.2 inches or 5 mm, the smallest in the animal kingdom.


The common shrew loves you.

=)

Awwww.






Speaking of human penises...

...the plural form of penis is penises, not peni, so Gustave's been told...

...penises do not erect 60 degrees upwards perfectly centred.


Contrary to popular belief and pornographic videos.


It is perfectly normal for penises to curve during erection.

Furthermore, if thy penis curves upwards, congratulations.

You have an increased chance of hitting a girl's G-spot and sending her into a world of fifth-dimensionally infinite orgasms.

Yes, that line was from Retarded Animal Babies.



According to a survey posted on Blueserver.org, almost 40% of males are reported to be lefties.


"...to the left, to the left..."


Another mystery solved.

A mere 2% were reported to be down-right weird.






Anyhoo.

Off the subject of lyrics from popular songs.


Meet the Echidna.



The Echidna has a toothless jaw and hunts by ripping open soft logs and using its long sticky...



...tongue to eat ants much like an antelope.

(Picture not found)

The Echida has a four-headed penis.

Only two of the heads develop while the other two shrivel up.

The two developed heads alternate each time the mammal has sexual intercourse.


(Picture not found)





Gustave hereby declares that he is not "making this shit up".




Meet the barnacle.





The barnacle is hermaphroditic.



The barnacle has a penis forty times its own body size.


This is equivalent to a 1.8m human with a 72m penis.

In absolute terms, the barnacle has a penis length of 15cm, longer than a gorilla's and some humans.



You're reaching for the nearest ruler, aren't you?

=)

The barnacle has the biggest penis in proportion to body size in all of the animal kingdom.

Bow to the undisputed penis of the barnacle.



To increase penis size, for males and hermaphrodites, it is recommended that one should not wear under at all.


Average penis size according to Humansforsale.com
  • Briefs-wearers: 6.00"
  • Boxers-wearers: 6.25"
  • Boxer-briefs-wearers: 6.29"
  • None: 6.33"

If wearing no underwear is impractical, hazardous, or illegal in the area of your residence, consider alternating between boxers and briefs.

To the freaks who wear briefs to sleep.

May you be "hung like a gorilla".



That's supposed to be insulting in Africa.



Fun fact: 5% of penises fully erect at less than 30 degrees, with 0 degrees being pointing towards the ground.


Fun fact: Everyone has hobbies. Some people collect stamps, some people swim, some people dance in their spare time. Gustave on the other hand...



This just in!

From the creators of the Nispe, comes the Ginava!


That line was from Tomorrow's Nobodies.




Cheers!