In other news...

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Die SAM, DIE!

I am drunk.

Coca-cola, rum, and vodka. Thanks and happy birthday, kah yang.

:)

It was my first time clubbing and last time with my rag-tag class of L1.

As I am not functioning at maximum mental capacity, I will take this opportunity to be honest. I have an excuse. Heh.

So here it is: Gustave's SAM experience 2008.

I came in L1 2 weeks late. Did over-zealously well in the start. Slacked about a month into the programme.

HAHAHAHA!!! I was actually aiming for Taylor's 99.95 TER scholarship.

XD

...

(Pause for laughter)

...

Whoa...Sydney... O_O.

Ms.Doh totally reminds me of my math teacher in Sri Sentosa...Ms. Ho.

*sniff* Ms. Ho dieded in 2005. :(

I did not fit in L1 at all at the start of the year. Being loud, hyper, and over-reactive...like a nuclear powered boombox, I naturally generated stares and awkward silences around the class.

Heh. I was tolerated. :)

And then there was the whole Jia Sheen episode of Valentine's Day...XD ...Jia Sheen if you are reading this, just know that I truly admire you for your beauty, brains, and heart.

...Plus you kinda sorta somehow maybe i dunno...remind me of Missy Peregrym...lol...google her.


This put me in an awkward position, never really fitting in any particular group in L1.

...but ZOMG Wai Hung, Jian Rong, Jason, Kah Ynag and CY play DotA!!

First I hung out with Ian a lot.

Then I kinda got bored and got a leeeeeeetle bit XP tired of the word "intense".

(Remember, I read CY's blog before this...and I'm high, so I'm doing a CY and telling it as it is. wheeeeee.)

I met Vic and Kim. Got along better with the sunshine emitting Kim.

Got along with Vic coz we were the only 2 laughing like maniacs over The Bumper Book of Bunny Suicides.

Angel and Shin Yi were like: "WTF?! You PAID for that book?!"

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Then the glorious 2008 SEA Forensics gave me reason to live on while I skipped two days of college...much to Ian and Carmen's disappointment coz of a Econs project. XD I'm sorry...


...BUT IT'S FREAKING FORENSICS!! :D


Then Vic, Mandeep and Cath and...pfft...anthony and I did the whole drama thing for weeks.

Only to have it cancelled. Fark.

Was close to Cath before, not so much after. Ah well.

Then came the Anthony/Ricky period. It was fun.

Fun being inhaling second-hand smoke and drinking shiiiit-cha (iced chinese tea) at AC every recess. Muahahaha! Green Tea protects me from cancer!

Then Lianne joined Taylor's, and I met Sarah and Qirby through her.



I seriously thought....OOOH. It's raining now. :D

...that Qirby was a bimbo. Heh. Sorry Qirbs! XD

But I got to know her better and turns out she's kinda...um...deep.
...no, not in that way.

But I was neglecting Vic and Kim. Sowwwwwryyy.

Then at the start of the second term, I stuck with Vic and Kim.

Mostly Vic.

This lead to people going "WHooooooooooo!!" or "So...um...er...are you and vic like..."

RAWR!! NO.

hI admit. I was reluctant to hang out with CY, Wai Hung, and Wai Ping AKA Kukumalu...at first. I wanted a break from the Chinesy-ish-shy way of LAIF!

But hey.

Born chinese, live chinese, die chinese. XD

I luv you guys.

...CY...not so much. CY sweats a lot.

:P

So anyhoo, Vic and I hosted SAM Idol...and we were immortalised as the smiling ding-dongs we are and love to be.

Met Mei Ling, Caryn,

OOH! Jia Sheen got her JPA scholarship thingy. That means she has 1 1/2 years to finish off 1 quarter of the syllabus. ZOMG JIA SHEEN IMBA FTW!!1


So anyhooooooo... Vic and I started hanging and eating Roti-milo and sperm at AC.

*Sperm being the shaven-ice dessert with tadpole-shaped jelly bits.


Met Sam, Chia Chern AKA Bouncer, Clarissa, Jack Jack (MONDAY IS MARKET DAY!!!), and Smriti (SEA Forensics is the 3 days I plan my year around) around then.

Lol. Good times.

Then I did some actual studying for 2 months.


TRIALS MOTHA-LOVERS! :(



MOOT COURT FATHER-HATERS! :)


Kandes and I successfully defended an *innocent* man from the charge of rape.

They found his semen inside her.

They found vaginal bruising.

They found scratches.

They had a neighbour who heard screaming.

The victim says he did it.



...we the jury, have reached a majority...

YES! Majority...we win!


...decision of not guilty.

:) I are asshole.

Anyhoo, the 2 days of moot court was honestly the best 2 days, the climax, the holy-cum-all pinnacle of SAM.

I waited for it.

Then finals. But not before everyone started teasing me for the line I used...

..."So, is it true that you gave her flowers on her birthday AND on Valentine's Day?"

"So you were just being friendly?"

"Yeah, I'd give a girl flowers on Valentine's Day because I'm being "friendly" too."


XD

The case was won but the price was heavy.

Ms. Melbourne Loo is a fictional character who may or may not have been inspired by a possible Taylor's lecturer.

MORTALS! TREMBLE IN FEAR AT THE SIGHT OF MS. MELBOURNE BOOBS! RAWR!!

(.Y.)
Tig ol' Bitties!

Anyhoo. I got closer to CY, Wai Ping...my kukumalu who loves Boston Legal too... and Wai Hung... who'd make Aiman jealous.

Met Mel, who fucking blows my mind and ears with her violin. :)

I put her under my contacts as "Mel Violin". Many Mels, you see.

Finals came.

All over me like condensed milk.

PROM, BABY!

Heard Jia Sheen was not going but then WHOA! Jumping carrot cakes! She shows up.

:)

I'm not complaining.

Lemme tell you something bout prom.

Proms reveal the unpolished gems. The hidden bombshells.

I took a look at Tze Nee...oh there's Tze Nee...wait...who's that hawt chick next to her...wait...NO WAY. haha...no way...

...Ai Lin?!

O_O

Except that my non-sepet eyes go much bigger.

Ms. Sydney looked pretty much the same tho.

Ms. Doh wore freaking heels!

O_O

I swear if my eyes got any bigger I could star in my own Disney cartoon.

Disney Asia, anyway.

I was chosen to co-host prom with Sam, from Sam, by Sam.

But.

I gave up emcee post.

One awesome word:

DIARRHOEA.

But on the brightside, I got to spend so much more time with my...eventually grown to be loved L1.

Awww... =)

I'm gonna miss you guys.

I think I kinda sorta maybe finally fit in L1 somewhere in the middle of SAM.

OH! And then L1 lead the whole SAM onto the dance floor.

AND ash quek and shin yi started a train.

L1 FTW!!1

OOOH! And they played the song Tom Cruise danced to in Tropic Thunder. I jumped up on stage alone at one point and, although generated some cheers, demonstrated first-hand the long-term effects of drinking Green Tea twice daily for a year.



Ok...that's not the song...the song the first time he dances, but that's essentially what I tried to do. =)

Oh, and Mr.Kevin stripped to his shorts and danced to "Dancing King".

That was with Ms. Rajani during the lecturer's performance.

Mr. Kevin freaking rocks...my socks...in his box...like a...fox...yeah.

Wai Hung: "Ms. Doh! Prom queen nominations why you din go up on stage?"

XD

The guys tried to screw me by over-dosing my food and drink with soy-sauce and chili.

Hah.

Funny, huh? Wai Hung, Ah Yi?

Hahaha.

Haha.

Ha.

...

Eat my pubes.

Then I had my first clubbing experience with Rhey Kee, Wai Hung, Kukumalu, Jian Rong, Kah Yang, Jason, Ash Quek, Shin Yi (who btw looked beautiful, she had the best dress. Honest.), Jia Sheen, and some others who I was too crazed to notice.

After the boozing, highly-unorthodox dancing, and my failed attempt to hug Jia Sheen. XD Heh. Sorry bout that.

My trance like experience was cut-short by Jonathan calling and saying we gotta ciao at 12.30.

:(((((((((((((((((((

My lips grow their own lips which have multiple layers of sagging skin.

SAM 2008 felt short sweet, and intense.

The ups and downs came and went quickly but hard.

Thinking back. I honestly would have it no other way. I am glad to have fought through and survived SAM with the cool-assorted-jellybeans pack of L1.

Although it's a shame the mudderfuggers who made the prom video did not include L1's video.

...I will hunt you down. And make you watch High School Musical 3 until you beg for the sweet release of death. By sweaty basketballs jerseys and papercuts.

:)

Wai Hung, I hope you succeed in improving your english by leaps and bounds and whips and hounds in the one year before you head off to law school.

Although...*sniff*...


Ooh-hoo-hoo!! I'm gonna miss the way you grab my ass...



...I'm not sure if I can keep the promise of seeing you in court one day.




To the rest of you SAMsters,

Rock on, rock hard.

Do NOT think of genitals.



I'm glad that I had the pleasure of crossing paths with you guys in SAM. I'll treasure the memories and unique experiences I had with each of you.


I am sober.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Left2Die4Dead69

It is 4.31 a.m.

My heartbeat is finally going back down to normal.

I realise how much more useful I am with a shotgun than an uzi.



Unfortunately, I didn't get the black guy. :(

I got the muscular guy with tattoos on his sexay arm! :)







Marvin got black guy...with Uzi. Heh. Cliche.


I was tempted to leave Marvin 2 die...especially after he shot a car...setting off the alarm and sending a horde of zombies charging towards very much like the equivalent of 2 classes of angry secondary school kids. Marvin has a knack for friendly firing me. I gladly return the favour.

My excuse: "Hey, I turned and saw a black guy running towards me, of course I shoot!!"

"If a black guy and a zombie charged towards me...TAKE OUT THE BLACK GUY!"

XD

However, his skills with automatic weapons and constant watch for Hunter or Smoker zombies makes him one of the 3 people I'd like to have by my side when a zombie apocalypse inevitably breaks out. The chick will probably be Vic.


...Or Missy Peregrym.



Plus...he was the first to whisper-scream: "Flashes off! There's a witch nearby!"






"What's so scary? She's just some skinny old lady, right?"
-Gus...before he startled the witch.



Left 4 Dead succeeds on so many levels.

As a First Person Shooter.

As a multiplayer co-op.

And as a zombie survival.



I knew I was having the time of my life when I started yelling at Deagle for trying to take a closer look at the witch. (Bad, BAD idea)

Immersion. It felt like the real thing. Or at least a Hollywood movie scene...with a shrill choir and creepy piano soundtrack announcing the arrival of a big, bad, mofo...or the presence of a deadly witch which the survivors would much rather avoid...or the colossal swarm of zombies about to spill out the alleys and buildings around you.

The demo was worth every minute of the 13-hour-via-wonderful-Streamyx download.

Seriously. Aiman. Vic.

...and Kim.

Buy Left4Dead. If not for the gaming experience, at least for the Hollywood experience.


Cheers!





The Left4Dead demo. (Until 17 November...HURRY!)
Pre-order Left4Dead. (Release on 18 November)





"Fat fuck! I hear a fat fuck! Shoot him before he pukes on you!"

"Guys, is that a crying survivor I hear?"
"No, it's a witch. SHHHH."

"Thanks for that Gus, thanks a lot. A shotgun shell right in my face."

"Hey, I can see Russia from my house!"

Left 4 Dead

Nothing to do with the final exams.

Nothing to do with SAM.

One more subject to go: Accounting studies.

The public Left4Dead demo is available as of 12 November 2 a.m. Singapore time.

This translates to 12 November 3 p.m. Malaysia time because it takes more than 12 hours to download it with our fantasticle internet.


It has been 12 hours since I began downloading the demo.

10.30 a.m: Ready to play in approximately 6 hours 30 minutes.

12 p.m.: Ready to play in approximately 5 hours.

8 p.m: Ready to play in approximately 2 hours.

10 p.m: Ready to play in approximately 1 hour 40 minutes.

10.30 p.m: Ready to play in approximately 1 hour 41 minutes.




Incredible. A big, overweight, low-density-cholesterol dripping, deep fried round of applause to streamyx.

Deagle took "about an hour" to download it.

Jin took half an hour.

Deagle and Jin are both Lionporeans.



It's currently at 91%, meaning zombies can relax and have zombie orgies for another 9% before i start tearing them up some new zassholes.

That's zombie assholes.

Ha-ha!


Although...they are not really zombies...they run...fast zombies are a MYTH...besides...they punch and kick...they even feel pain...more like rabid...or maybe...they just had a little too much coffee...or perhaps...

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Tagged, bagged, and sagged.

1. What's the color of your shirt?

Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this
Nervous-The middle east
Worried-That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other-That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - Anew life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine
Cider- A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

13. What is your favorite activities when hanging out with mates?
Gathering for drinks - Ugly pig
Foosball - Silly duck
Shopping - French kisser
Dulging for food - Cranky banana
Movies - Smelly armpits
Snacks - Horny wolf
Snooker - Tiny nipples
Bowling - Sexy grandmother
Outdoor activities - Vain pot
Having a long talk - Nose plucker
Taking pictures - Dumb bitch
Other - Burn yourself



Dear Nabilah,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over.I think I realized it when we skinny dipped at the mental hospital and I saw you sit on my John F. Kennedy statue. I'm sure you're frostbitten enough to understand the middle east. I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep my virginity as a memory. You should also know that I told today in my confession about ruining the second world war. Go burn.

With Love;
Gustave

P/S: You are so lifeless, the penise, Denise.






Fill in the blanks by answering the questions provided below.
Retype your 'mock letter' at the end of the post.

Dear (the last person who left a comment on your blog).I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___.I think I realized it when ___2______3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.___12___.

With Love;
-Your name-

P/S: You are so lifeless, ___13___, -The name of the person that tagged you-.





Whoa. Where did "penise" come from?

O_O

I guess we'll never know...*ahem* Mark *ahem*...

3 down

2 moar to go.

I've neglected my blog since SAM finals. :(



But here's a lil something I came up with while kneeling by my bedside on the eve of Finals.



What The Sam?

11 months we prepared,
and yet here we stand scared.

Countless sleepless nights
and many sleepy days.
Happiness and health be
the price we pay.

I'm glad to have fought by your side,
I'm glad that from Sydney we sometimes hide.
With no more bittersweet time,
and no more word to rhyme.

At 7 a.m. I stand proudly,
knowing that Kim and Vic will sing loudly,
as we drive in the nails with a final WHAM.
Remember that you survived the nightmare SAM.






Cept in the original sms, i added "The LORD is my shepherd!!" in front.

:)



Im'ma have a lil flashback pondering moment thing now...


...psychology is full...

...oh man...accounting studies...

...hmm 99.95 TER Full scholarship to anywhere...

...here we go...

...CY lol...

...O_O Sydney...

...Ian and Ashley...

...Jia Sheen lawyer lawl...

...so i take the notes and photocopy them?...

...thx Syaireen...

...damn, I can't remember names well...Wai...Hung?

...or Pin?

...Legal Studies FTW!...

...DotA Jian Rong Jason Kah Yang...

...AC has everything...

...Imma join 11 clubs...drama...swimming...anime...

...argh...taking the bus sucks major hairy balls...

......



...SAM FINALS! Holy Jumping Jacks!


Flashback interrupted. Moment is gone. Will continue some other time. Economics.

Windex

Watch.






Ah. I love starting the morning with this! =D

By the Duncan Bros.





Yet another, socially acceptable(pfffft XD), Windex commercial.




Boink.