Nispe!
Go ahead.
Say Nispe over and over and over and over again.
In front of a family member, friend, or total stranger.
Until your eyes go wide and your cheeks cave in with realisation.
First thing's first.
Gustave apologises for providing misinformation.
A blue whales penis does not grow up to a maximum of 9 feet.
It grows up to a maximum of 8 feet.
Still taller than most humans.
Including CY.
Do NOT imagine a topless, sweaty CY hugging a whale's penis.
Oopsi.
Kinda makes you wonder how long someone could live off nothing but water and a blue whale's penis, eh?
Mmm. BBQ.
=)
Yes, Gustave is aware that that's an orca in the picture, not a blue whale.
Measurements of blue whale's penis may not be accurate as the erect length can only be observed during intercourse.
However, rest assured, men who are insecure about the size of thy ding-dong, humans have the LARGEST penis of all primates, in absolute terms as well as relative to body size!
Yee-Haw!
GWAHAHAHAHA!
Oh noes!
Hmph.
Feel free to reward yourself for a moment.
Hmph.Ok.
Minute over.
Although a gorilla is larger than a human, its penis has a maximum length of 4 cm, while a humans are blessed with 9 inches or more.
Gustave knows this due to hours of research and not personal experience, of course.
A chimpanzee, although much smaller than a gorilla, has a penis twice as long as a gorilla's.
Furthermore, to add steam to...steam, a blue whale's penis, although towering over NBA basketball players, is proportionally smaller than a human's penis.
A Blue whale can grow up to 34 meters, with a 9 foot penis.
That is equivalent to a 1.8m human with a 10 cm penis.
Sad.
Anyhoo.
Penises aside.
Meet the common shrew.
The common shrew has to consume up to 80-90% of its body weight to survive everyday.
The common shrew has poor eyesight and relies on its acute hearing and smell to locate prey up to 12 cm deep underground.
The common shrew has a penis length of 0.2 inches or 5 mm, the smallest in the animal kingdom.
The common shrew loves you.
=)
Awwww.
Speaking of human penises...
...the plural form of penis is penises, not peni, so Gustave's been told...
...penises do not erect 60 degrees upwards perfectly centred.
Contrary to popular belief and pornographic videos.
It is perfectly normal for penises to curve during erection.
Furthermore, if thy penis curves upwards, congratulations.
You have an increased chance of hitting a girl's G-spot and sending her into a world of fifth-dimensionally infinite orgasms.
Yes, that line was from Retarded Animal Babies.
According to a survey posted on Blueserver.org, almost 40% of males are reported to be lefties.
"...to the left, to the left..."
Another mystery solved.
A mere 2% were reported to be down-right weird.
Anyhoo.
Off the subject of lyrics from popular songs.
Meet the Echidna.
The Echidna has a toothless jaw and hunts by ripping open soft logs and using its long sticky...
...tongue to eat ants much like an antelope.
(Picture not found)
The Echida has a four-headed penis.
Only two of the heads develop while the other two shrivel up.
The two developed heads alternate each time the mammal has sexual intercourse.
(Picture not found)
Gustave hereby declares that he is not "making this shit up".
Meet the barnacle.
The barnacle is hermaphroditic.
The barnacle has a penis forty times its own body size.
This is equivalent to a 1.8m human with a 72m penis.
In absolute terms, the barnacle has a penis length of 15cm, longer than a gorilla's and some humans.
You're reaching for the nearest ruler, aren't you?
=)
The barnacle has the biggest penis in proportion to body size in all of the animal kingdom.
Bow to the undisputed penis of the barnacle.
To increase penis size, for males and hermaphrodites, it is recommended that one should not wear under at all.
Average penis size according to Humansforsale.com
- Briefs-wearers: 6.00"
- Boxers-wearers: 6.25"
- Boxer-briefs-wearers: 6.29"
- None: 6.33"
If wearing no underwear is impractical, hazardous, or illegal in the area of your residence, consider alternating between boxers and briefs.
To the freaks who wear briefs to sleep.
May you be "hung like a gorilla".
That's supposed to be insulting in Africa.
Fun fact: 5% of penises fully erect at less than 30 degrees, with 0 degrees being pointing towards the ground.
Fun fact: Everyone has hobbies. Some people collect stamps, some people swim, some people dance in their spare time. Gustave on the other hand...
This just in!
From the creators of the Nispe, comes the Ginava!
That line was from Tomorrow's Nobodies.
Cheers!
1 comment:
erm.. okaaaay... so wat r u up 2 these days? Besides writing this ...err... fascinating article?
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